Only an artist's rendering--but how wonderful if it could be true.....The Fountain Of Youth.

Dear Ether,

“24 is my age limit for girls.  And truthfully, that’s even a bit old.”  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing from my 20 year old cousin.  A girl my age was too damned old for him.  I had actually hit an age where I was considered a grandma to boys.  Look, the truth is, I wouldn’t want to date someone 20 (unless he was a Vanderbilt and BUILT) but I had never thought that I was excluded because I had a few smile lines and could legally drink.  In fact, I thought it would be a bonus that I could buy booze!

As you all know I’m not looking to date a poor student–and lord knows I’m NOT looking to date my bloody cousin.  But I’m freaked out about aging.  Hearing these words was just another slap in the face that there is no fountain of youth and that I’m not getting any younger.  There’s going to be a point where I’m going to be too old to wear certain clothes and hairstyles.  Shit.  Will I be too old to turn up Jay-Z full blast in my car also?

So, I have to accept that 20 year old boys look at me and think I’m a old broad rather than a hot tamale.  That’s tough to stomach.  I feel like I was in University and 21 not too long ago.  I felt like I could have anything and be anyone and now things are closing up for me.  Options are becoming more limited.  Many of you will think this post  is really immature and that I’m pouting about something trite.  But for me, this is like seeing a first gray hair (thank god that hasn’t happened yet).

I never thought I would ever be this age.  I never thought I would be strapped down in a relationship filled with problems.  I never thought I’d be saying good-bye to my twenties.  Truthfully, I thought I’d die my my twenties.  I really did.  Don’t ask why I thought this.  I just always had this premonition that I wasn’t meant to live past a certain point in my life.  Screw premonitions, huh?  (That sounds terrible–like I wish I was dead.  Please don’t misconstrue…)

I know most of you reading this would think the thought disgusting, but it makes me sad that I’ll never be able to kiss a teenager again or experience college love for the first time once more.  And you know what’s weird?  Movie stars from the film “Twilight” are the new generation of cool and desired and that “hotties” of my era are celebrating their 40th birthdays.   Robert Pattinson is too young for me, and yet, when I see him on the big screen, I find him quite attractive.  How odd. How odd that I am no longer able to have these crushes realistically (well, I was never going to snag a movie star—but you get my drift).

I cannot change my birth certificate.  I cannot change my experience.  And you know, a huge chunk of me still feels the same way as many 20 year olds.  But it’s off limits.  Very weird.  Very weird indeed.  I know you can’t change time, but I sure wish I had appreciated being young.  And I know many of you will think that I am ruminating on something stupid and repeating the same mistake that I wish I hadn’t done when I was 19.  But, I guess we can only live and feel in the now.  And right now I’ve never felt older.

Dedicatedly yours,

—One of 365