"A throne is only a bench covered with velvet." Napoleon Bonaparte (I am not so cynical, but isn't that a great quote! No wonder he had a chip on his shoulder I am very pleased with my bench covered in velvet, thank you very much!)

The RAM on my computer is very pleased.  It’s being filled with wonderful gifts from fellow bloggers who have been kind and generous with their love and thoughts.  The uber-cool Forty Not Out (who has not only a really fab blog that will make you crack a smile with her humor and wicked wit but also, as a fellow blogger, will make you jealous of how good her design taste is—killer header woman!) has given me the “Queen of ALLL Things” award.  From a stylish lady who has pretty damned good taste, I’m taking this as a great sign that I’m still (kinda) hip.  So eat your heart out LIZ!  But, to boot, my best mate on the blogosphere, who has a blog I endlessly rave about, Life, The Universe And All Thats In It, doubly whammied  me and now I can say I am TRULY pretty in pink.  

I’ve said this before when I’ve been lucky enough to be given an award.  The best thing about being recognized by your fellow bloggers is that you know that like-minded and intelligent people, who are out there busting their balls doing exactly what you are trying to do, are giving you a virtual high-five.  It shows that there is no back-stabbing and bitchiness and that we all are rooting for each other.  I wish I was a better supporter when it came to blogging.  I LOVE the girls who I have on my blogroll and I read their entries daily—but often don’t leave a comment—which sucks because I know it makes MY day when THEY do.  So this award is going to reform me.  Knowing that I have this crown, I have a new duty.  To be a better comment leaver–I mean even the Queen takes the time to write you a letter when you turn 100 (well, she signs her bloody name).  But just know that every day I check up on you guys and I really keep up on your worlds.  In fact, I really want to broaden my horizons and make new blog buddies.  An award like this just reminds me about how important this has to be in my  life because blogging is such an integral part of my routine.  

I have no one new to pass this award on to.  I have recently received an award and dedicated it to everyone on my blogroll.  So, this is what I propose to do with my crown.  I want to dedicate this to the millions of bloggers who give their hearts and souls to their keyboards every day, week, month—sometimes never even getting a hit but always persevering because they love writing and have a passion they must express.  From the guy who writes a new chess move on his blog each day to the fashion photographer who posts her photos and  dreams of becoming the next Sartorialist.  Whatever our desires for doing this are, may they prevail and may all of us be around for a long time.

Thank you again for this wonderful recognition and for making me feel truly like a real Monarch of the Web for the day

Dedicatedly yours, 

—One of 365

This may look like a cartoon, but this is no joke. I mean business. I'm sick of people out in the world thinking they can abuse bloggers and THINK they can get away with it. Read on....and see that your "mouse" is gonna be trapped starting NOW.

Dear Ethers, 

My good friend Wildernesschic has a brilliant blog that I enjoy reading tremendously.  I like it because it’s written from the heart.  You never feel like she has a thesaurus sitting on her lap while she’s writing, her stories never cease to fascinate, and she writes with humor and wit that are honest and organic.  She’s also extremely supportive of other bloggers, never failing to visit sites leaving well thought out comments and taking an interest in the world of the blogosphere.   She’s a reliable source, in my opinion, on blogging.  

A few days ago she posted an entry called “What Is A Blog?”  It fascinated me.  Again, she wrote straight from the soul and really begged the question about what we bloggers are doing every time we hit that very scary publish button.  She mentions that her blog is her “…own Hyde Park Corner.  Where I can express my freedom of speech.”  I agree completely.  She, unlike myself, is NOT an anonymous blogger.  Every single time she puts out a post she is risking her neck.  Her friends and family read everything she writes—her name is completely exposed to the public. 

Recently, she received a barrage of E-mails that were abusive and hurtful about her writing.  Obviously I don’t know the intimate details, but I do know that she has taken down a certain post that she feels might have hurt someone’s feelings and feels more guarded with her special part of her “Hyde Park Corner.”  I think this is completely unacceptable.  I too have received hurtful E-mails and comments from people about my blog.  I’m not going to indulge these abusers by telling you the details, but they attack below the belt and use ones own words to be vicious and malicious.  I have since blocked them from access to my website, but I wonder, why do people feel the need to be so angry with a blogger when all we are doing is expressing our experience and our memories?  I can understand disagreeing with a point of view, but I cannot understand abuse.  If you have an issue, it is perfectly acceptable to leave a comment asking questions about the post and, indeed disagreeing with the bloggers point of view.  But to hurl abuse and to ensue fear into someone’s life is abhorrent. 

I don’t see the blogosphere’s manners as any different than the normal manners of society.  Just as you cannot harass someone or verbally abuse them or stalk them on the streets, you cannot do so on their blog.  There are ways of finding out who you are, for those of you who DO take advantage of the vulnerability of bloggers.  You are easy to track and it is illegal to leave a torrent of insults.  You can be arrested.  You are no different than a stalker.  You have to remember there is a huge difference between freedom of speech and threatening people.  Tread carefully.  Is it really worth it?  At the end of the day we are just people who take the time to write about our lives, our interests and our views.  If you disagree or have any gripes—-either leave a calm mannered comment that will allow a fair debate or walk away if you don’t think you can control yourself.  Think of it as hitting someone.  You wouldn’t just beat someone up if they said the wrong thing would you?  You’d take a deep breath and either walk or talk. Well, at least one would hope. 

I will be seeking anyone out who hurls abuse at me, WILL trace you through your internet provider and WILL call the authorities.  I have spoken to the police and they have said that this IS a crime and people HAVE been arrested.  I will not be censored or threatened.  I will write what I want without fear.  And so should every blogger.  I warn you again, tread lightly, because you will be caught and you’ll be eating YOUR words hopefully without ever hurting anyone else again.   

Dedicatedly yours,

—One of 365

And Indeed It Is--To Wilderness Chic and 1Chic Mama--The Two Chicest Women In My Life----I Thank You With All Of My Heart! xoxoxo

Dearest Wilderness Chic and 1ChicMama,

You both gave me this award and I am so thrilled because I feel you both are the chicest ladies in town and I don’t know quite how to handle the suave! 

In all seriousness.  Both of you write unique blogs–but there is a string running throughout both of your posts.  They are both incredibly strong and reflect the tough, resilient bright women that you are.  Basically, when the going gets tough neither of you buckle.  I look up to you both because you are mentors in terms of life experience.  Wilderness, you know I always look to you whenever I need some nutty problem solved or I see that our paths have crossed and that you can give me advice on the road that we have both embarked upon.  Chic Mama.  It’s so interesting.  We are recent friends and yet I feel such an affinity and closeness to you.  An ease.  A feeling of honesty and truth.  You open up your soul in your beautiful writing and with that I feel like I can open up to you without any constraint either.  It breaks my heart that a woman with such wit and charm has to have the plight that you suffer.  But, what makes you so remarkable is how you, through your posts and Tweets, show us how you can hold your head up high no matter how bad it gets.  You show us the power of writing.  The power of being able to express yourself and share through words and therefore help others and maybe let others help you.  I am so lucky to know you.  

Well, with that ode to these brilliant women over and done with, I suppose I am supposed to recommend 5 sites.  I know it’s bad form.  But I AM going to recommend these two sites again.  They mean a lot to me and since I have a different readership, maybe others will be exposed to their writing.

So:

Life the universe and all thats in it

A friend, a new writer to the blogosphere who took to the damned blogging thing so well that I am green with envy.  She writes with sass style and here’s an insider tip (though I don’t wanna give this away because I want her to give me all her attention!) Tweet with her.  That’s just a real insight into her amazing personality.  God, is she a fabulous, kind woman.

Broken Postcard 

I am amazed everytime I visit this site.  I know the bloke and he is always trying new type of artistic endeavors on his site.  He made an amazing video worth watching to homemade music.  He scours the net for amazing art and again, videos from museum you’d never visit.  He draws these brilliant sketches with vivid colors, writes poetry and makes animation.  I’ll warn you, his writing about philosophy etc. is not for everyone, but visually his site IS.  So don’t click away if you can’t hack the read.  Check out his visuals instead.  It is worth it!

chic mama

I have never read about a woman who had gone through hell and back and then straight through hell again and keeps her head so high and manages to even creak out a smile and whip out a joke or two.  I adore this woman.  In the short time we have spoken she has inspired me to realize how precarious life is and to understand the human soul and spirit.  Her posts are inspiring and simply truth.  I honor her and treasure her as a new friend.  She is on my mind often.  Visit her site and lend her some encouragement and make her laugh.  She’d love it!

Sharon-Rose-Style, Thrifting and Me

I know Sharon has had a zillion of these awarded to her, but I needed to say my two cents (probably what she pays for a couture Versace!).  I was so pleased when she started visiting my blog.  I’d been checking hers out for awhile and couldn’t believe the finds she’d gotten–and the prices.  She is the queen of deals.  I’d hate to go shopping with her because she would get  best thing in the shop for a fiver and you’d wanna kill her.  She always leaves kind words on my blog and is cheery, sweet and has the most gorgeous looking kids.  And he her husband looks like “Big” from”Sex and the City!”  Anyway, for a real fashionista who knows how to really work it and get it at a nuts price, visit her site and drool.

Helena Halme

A woman who shall never be off of my list.  A wonderful writer who tells a amazing journey of her life coming to England, meeting the love of her life and just adjusting to a whole new world–a story I can relate to.  She is kind, endearing and never has a comma out of place  Her story will capture you right away and the only thing you’ll hate about her blog is that it’s in installments, so you’ll be killing yourself to read the next one!

Looking Fab In Your Forties

And last, but NEVER least, my darling Fab!!  You killer, you.  Your site is perfection and you know it.  You always have interesting posts.  I love your style.  You are the queen of shoes (guys, she really has an amazing collection…check out her avatar on Twitter) and I just like your jovial and at ease writing-style.  I adore our chats, I love seeing what you are up to….and I just think you are so genuine–the real article, folks.  So if you want to visit a blog that has everything—a real gal with real style and a real life going on…hit her up.  She’s also a kick to Tweet with.  ;)

Thank you again……you know getting kudos from my fellow blog “home-boys” makes me feel like a winner.  I adore you guys and I am mighty grateful.

Love to you all and I’ll see you for my fashion “Wish List”  tomorrow.

Dedicatedly yours,

—One of 365

Dear Ether,

People seemed to really like some examples of some beauty writing that I’ve done in the past.  Well, I just had a freelancing gig and wrote for a pretty famous company (hence the XXX when you see them in the writing below) about shaving and self-tanners.  I worked with the advertising and promotions teams to create an advertising page for the magazine promoting  2 beauty products.  Basically a magazine and a brand will work together to get a product(s) promoted without making it too obvious by having it mesh with the editorial feel of the magazine.  You’ll usually see in the upper-right hand corner of the page, “Advertisement.”  But if you can pull it off, sometimes you can get the reader to think it’s part of the mag and that’s when you can really hit home and maybe get the sell.  I did this for two brands.  “Billy Jealousy,” a shaving product and “Mystic Tan,” a self-tanning product.  You’ll see how I write the pieces as if they are 100% editorial, but I am promoting their products ONLY.  Clever, eh?  This was for one pretty famous beauty supplier who was advertising in a mag.  So here you go and enjoy.  I think it’s fun and I enjoyed writing it.  And, you do learn about self-tanning and shaving.  It is, in theory,  really and editorial piece.  I just used specific brands rather than brands of my own choosing.  It’s amazing how many elements go in to making a magazine, right?  Anywhooooo…the fun part is when you see it laid out.  Have a great Sunday and I will see you for the “Wish List” tomorrow.

Dedicatedly yours,

—One of 365

Self-Tanners: 

Mystic Tan's Perfect Tan Kit, $54, Sephora.com

Self-tanning has always been tricky.  When the first products came on the market we were left with a radioactive tangerine tint that made us look more George Hamilton than groovin’ with a J-Lo glow.  But since those “dark days,” products have evolved.  Cutting- edge brands like Mystic Tan have given natural-looking hues to almost 200 million people.  XXXX is delighted to carry Mystic Tan’s new luxe line of DIY products that have revolutionized the self-tanning world.  Their collection includes the Perfect Tan Kit Body, Perfect Tan Kit Face, Sunless Tanning Spray Face and Body, Sunless Enhancing Moisturizer Body and Shimmer Face.  [Pssst!] If you’ve ever envied Jessica Simpson’s golden skin, Mystic Tan is her secret.

But no matter how “golden” the self-tanner becomes, the application process is not always fail-safe.  So…Welcome to Self-tanner 101!  

The first step for any self-tanning guru is exfoliation.  Removing dead skin cells is key because you don’t want dry zones like knees and elbows to collect tanner and make the product appear dark, muddy and uneven. Now, here comes the fun part…the application!  But be wary.  Many of us have earned the Scarlet Letter of self-tanners: discolored palms (the true sign of a novice).  A helpful hint: Use latex gloves for application.  Worried about having white hands?  Problem solved. All you need to do is rub the backs of your palms with self-tanner in a clockwise direction.  Works every time!  

Okay. Body exfoliated?  Latex gloves snapped on?  You’re ready!  Believe it or not, this is the easy part.  Using gentle, long strokes, apply the tanner as evenly as possible along your skin.  A great tip is to add a dollop of moisturizer to the tanner, making the product a bit more malleable and therefore easier to apply.  This is also excellent for tan enhancement, because it helps saturate the color into your skin.   

So you’ve tanned yourself, and you’re wondering, “what now?”  Well, don’t allow your skin to get near water for at least 4 hours.  Also, this stuff can stain!  If you’re planning to throw on that white Prada maxi-dress right away, that’s a huge no-no.  

If you have the time to tan and set during the day, more power to you.  But the ideal time is just before you turn in for the night.  Then you can shower off the residual product in the morning.  (To protect your sheets, wear a scruffy pair of old pj’s.)  This is ideal because you maximize the amount of tan time allowing, for the deepest color possible, and you don’t have to worry that any of the above uh-oh’s will happen.  

So now that you’re tan and gorgeous, all you have to do is maintain your new radiance.  Moisturizing is key, because it keeps skin from sloughing off and also prolongs your beautiful bronze.  Use Mystic Tan’s Sunless Enhancing Moisturizer Body that provides offers a subtle amount of color while keeping skin hydrated.  

(Okay. That’s it.) You glow, girl! 

Shaving: 

Billy Jealousy Hydroplane Super-Slick Shave Cream $20 sephora.com

We all—men and women alike– have nightmare stories about shaving. Many a prom night photo has been ruined by guys with Band-Aids slapped over razor burns.  And surely there have been countless summer BBQ’s where girls showed up in pants instead of cute new dresses because they had a shaving fiasco.  

The simple fact is we didn’t have the “cutting-edge” razors that populate the market today–razors with names that sound like launch vehicles designed by NASA!  Well, we’ve come a long way from that scary man in the barbershop wielding a straight edge blade, a leather strop and a shaky hand.  What’s so exciting about this razor revolution are all the brilliant products that have arrived to help us in the fine art of shaving. Creams, waxes, oils, foams—even lasers! 

XXXX’s team of specialists is always on hand to help you select the shaving option that’s perfect for you (and we’ve got quite a selection).  And now we’ve found something genuinely unique that’s going to make any shaving aficionado “jealous.”  Hint: it also won Best Shaving Cream at Esquire’s 2007 Grooming Awards.   Oh, and George Clooney is a fan.  Care to read on? 

Hydroplane, by Billy Jealousy, is a foamless shave cream that lubricates the skin to give you the closest shave possible while also protecting against razor burn, nicks, bumps and ingrown hairs.  A little goes a long way with this 8oz. bottle, because it miraculously gets slicker and more powerful as you add warm water to it.  As we all know–ouch!–shaving can leave a burning sensation but Hydroplane provides a pleasant cooling effect as it performs its magic.  The formula includes micro-silicon beads that have a slight exfoliation action–also fantastic for an ultra-soft finish because it sloughs off dead skin cells.  And with chamomile and aloe to keep skin calm and humectants to preserve moisture, it’ll give you the happiest skin on the planet.  Because Hydroplane is perfect for every skin type, all you have to do is massage onto face, shave, and rinse with cool water.  And, because it’s such a smooth product, women are grabbing it off the shelves after rave reviews from the men in their lives.  Hey, if a guy can steal your shampoo and conditioner, why can’t you steal his shaving cream? 

XXXXXX’s Tick List: Do’s and Don’ts of Shaving  

1. Always shave with warm water.  The best time is after a steaming, hot shower.  Or, ladies, a great time to shave is IN a steaming, hot shower!
2. Make sure you have a sharp blade.  Dull blades are going to tear skin, cause ingrown hairs and create razor burn.
3. Never shave against the grain (even though we’re tempted because we think we’re getting a closer and quicker shave: we’re actually causing small cuts to the skin that could lead to infection and ingrown hairs).
4. When you’re finished shaving, always rinse with cool water.  This closes the pores and calms the skin.
5. Moisturize! Use an after-shave balm, lotion or cream and avoid anything alcohol based (unless you want to encourage burning!).
6. Don’t be cheap!  Sometimes things are worth spending a little extra money on.  That bag of 100 razors for 99 cents is priced that way for a reason.  Invest in a quality razor and a well-researched product.

Yes, those disheveled nails belong to yours truly. But remember, sometimes the most banged up tools are the best. They've been used the most and have seen the most action. I think after you read this entry, Dear Ether, you'll think these beasts might actually be beauties.

Dear Ether,

I sit here writing to you with the tools that have made me my living—my fingers.  I’m a professional writer and have earned my keep writing for the most “chi-chi” and best-known magazines in the world.  My specialty is beauty.  That’s why this entry is going to be so ironic.  It is about being a nail/cuticle biter.  It’s my dirty secret.  Why would a girl, who should be treating the tools that pay her income so well (actually, the gig could pay better), treat them so badly?  Also, as a beauty writer, beautifully manicured hands are part of the job.  You have no idea how many times I’ve not shaken hands with people, or turned down an ultra-luxe free manicure session because of my mangled talons.  

I’ve tried racking my brain to figure out my first memory of when I started to chew.  All I can think of is being about 8 years old in our black Jeep Cherokee.  I was in the back seat with my older brother and Elton John was belting out some tune (my parents loved Elton John—I think they bronzed that bloody cassette).  I was staring out the window and my mom said “Stop biting!”  I think I was so shocked, because I didn’t realize what I was doing.  From then on it plagued me.  Mom bought disgusting nail polishes promoting a bitter taste that would supposedly make you not want to gnaw.  So guess what? I picked.  People slapping my hands away from my face.  My poor mother even tried being a “good cop” and started taking me for manicures when I was a kid.  It didn’t work.  1 day later the cuticles were a bleeding mess.  Some kids use that damned dummy, others sucked their thumbs. I guess I chewed my nails.  Here’s the problem, except for a few drugged out ravers who suck rampantly on candy that looks like a pacifier, I’m way too old to still have a childlike oral fixation. 

I’m sure there are plenty of you out there saying, “wait, I’m a chewer too and I don’t have a childlike oral fixation!” Mmmm. Hmmmm.  I know.  I see you out there.  Chewing nervously waiting for your bus, or picking with your pointer finger at your thumb sitting at your desk.  Are you sure you don’t?  Really think about it?  Let’s pretend WE do, Ether?  So, what’s our deal?  I used to think I did it to cover up my face when I got nervous in situations.  Like a smoker, it gave me something to busy myself with so I wasn’t just standing there with nothing to say.  But, that wasn’t it.  And truthfully, I smoke a bit (Ether, especially Californian Ether’s, don’t judge me—how I began smoking is a good little story and I will tell you soon, and don’t worry, I’m not terribly hooked, but I will say damn, a good drag is delectable with a cup of coffee!) so that didn’t replace my chewing like I thought it might.  I also am a gum fanatic—you’d think that would solve it.  Nope.  I go through phases.  I can go a month with lovely, clean nails and without fire engine red cuticles, but then something compels me, and just like that, I snap (well, my jaws do—around my fingers).  

I once had a meeting with Nails Inc. a very big nail brand in the UK.  I tried to cancel a million times, but they were advertisers for the magazine and alas, the meeting happened.  For days I didn’t pick.  But it had been a bad bout, and the damage was too deep to heal by the time I had to meet with the PR’s.  My assistant let me know they’d set up in the meeting room, and when I walked in horror struck.  There was a mini nail salon to show me their newest autumn manicure.  I had no choice, I had to fess up.  Like a therapy session, I let loose.  These unsuspecting ladies listened, nodding their heads like we were sorority girls and they were my sisters.  No tears were shed, but they did kindly turn off the aromatic bubble-making machine.  They knew I needed the silence for my heartfelt speech.  They felt my pain.  We decided that one of the PR’s would have the manicure instead to demonstrate.  Phew!  After it was all over, they told me about this program their company had.  The nail biters club.  (Yep, there are enough of us that we need a “club”).  I perked up and was intrigued.  They warned me that I had to stay committed.  I promised I would.  Every week I was to come in, have a paraffin treatment (this is where they take your hands and place them in a wax which then softens the hands and cuticles) and they would give me intensive cuticle treatments and a clean, crisp manicure.  They swore that within 2 months I would be healed.  Smiles all around, we shook hands (well, I kinda bowed—remember—I don’t shake hands) and the following Monday I began.  2 months later my hands looked like they could model for Chanel Vamp.  I was so proud.  I was wearing those trendy, oversized rings.  Even shaking hands!  But then, one night, like a binge eater, something happened.  Like a tick, I began to pick.  It was slow.  I felt a slight raise in one of my cuticle beds and pulled.  It felt soooo good.  By the end of the hour I had my old hands back.  I tore off my rings, picked off the polish (another delectable delight) and in a dirty way felt relieved.  Who was I kidding?  There was no way I was healed from 2 measly months of “therapy.”  I needed years! 

It’s really funny.  Essie just sent me their newest collection from their neon palette.  They have such trendy 80’s colors that if I wasn’t a self-masticating mess I’d go to the nail salon and go a bit mad.  But, I put them away in my beauty cupboard where other nail polishes rest in peace.  If I have an interview or meeting, I’ll go to a cheap place and have them clean up my hands (and get scolded in Vietnamese about the state of my claws).  But, you know what, these messed up, ugly old fingers have composed some of the most beautiful writing I have ever done, clapped at some of the most amazing performances I’ve ever seen, taken some remarkable photos, touched people I’ve loved dearly, and felt stone buildings in England that are older than the country I was born in.  One day I might just stop chewing.  My brain may figure out the mystery of why I do it and just halt.  But for now, I’ve done pretty well with these beasts and gotta “hand it to myself” (don’t roll your eyes, you would have taken the cliché if you could have too), so far, as fucked up as I think I am, I’m still here ticking away.  Just maybe not as “hands”-somely as others (okay, okay, you’re right, that was too much….pushed the pun way too far).

Dedicatedly yours,

—One of 365

PS: If you are at all interested in the lovely shade of varnish in the picture above (or what’s left of it), it’s “Geranium” by Essie (A perfect shade of coral that looks delightful on all skin colors–especially on tanned skin—trust me—it looks a helluva lot better on my toes!).