"Better keep yourself clean and bright; you are the window through which you must see the world." George Bernard Shaw

Dear Ethers, 

Often times when I’m lying in bed thinking, I’ll leave the window open and cover myself up in the duvet.  I like the cool breeze on my face while my body is swathed in the rich down.  Today in Los Angeles we had very heavy winds.  It was the first sign of fall. Crackling leaves dragged their dead forms down the street making scratching noises as they flew pass.  The trees shook and swayed and crows squawked their horrid cry while picking the newly laid seeds in the fertilizer often laid just before Halloween.  I stared out my window while all this was happening, warm under my blanket, only my face exposed to the day outside, and I breathed everything in, squinting whenever a ray of sun peeked through a branch.   

This is the same thing I’ve been doing since I was a little girl.  It’s strange to me that I’ve been doing this in the same bed, through the same window and past the same tree; just a different date and an older body.  I never thought I’d be on the brink of 30 staring out this window pondering, waiting for another winter to come.  You know what’s funny? I never thought I’d ever BE 30.  I remember being in a bowling alley with my parents and there were a bunch of adults and college kids.  They seemed SO old.  I thought I’d never live to see that age.  And you know what, they were younger than I am today. 

But it’s crazy.  As the years go by, they go by so much faster.  My parents are in their late 60’s, the Big Apple Beauty is almost 70 (my god—she always seemed ageless) and the car my parents bought me for getting into college (that I still so vividly remember driving for the first time) is almost 11 years old.  How does time escape us?  My grandmother, who is 93, said that you look in the mirror at 25 and the next minute you’re her age (if you’re lucky)–that’s how quickly things go.  And the scary part is that things from your youth only seem like yesterday.  

Being human is such an odd condition.  It’s something I’ve never really gotten my hands around.  Someone took a picture of me about 8 years ago looking out my said window—they caught me with the sun in my eyes.  My pupils were lit by the sun—they looked like illuminated oak floors with a spray of black lines breaking through the wood.  I remember very clearly what I was thinking in that picture.  That I couldn’t believe another sunset was happening. Do you know that your eyes stay the same size as they were when from the day that you were born?  I’ve always had really big eyes.

I cannot tell the future.  I cannot fix the past.  I can wish, but I often find that futile. It’s nighttime now.  The wind is blowing heavily and I’ve shut the window because of the chill.  I’ll wake again tomorrow and spend a few minutes of the morning staring at the sky.  I’ll collect my thoughts.  It’ll be a new day.  New leaves will fall from trees and be blown down the street scratching away into oblivion and I wonder what my day will be like.  What will hit me next? What memory will fall into my mind?  And I’ll wrap myself tight in my duvet and ponder, feeling the breeze on my face seeing life’s clock ticking through each leaf that does a pirouette to the floor.

Dedicatedly yours, 

—One of 365

This is just about how beautiful I think I look when I wear my glasses. I HATE them. They are a pain in the ass to remember to bring along in your purse, they aren't always flattering, they ain't cheap and I just think they lessen your look. Some would disagree and say girls look sexy with a good pair of 4 eyes. Me, I rue the day I ever met the blonde in 3rd grade who made me sell my soul to the devil for my 1st pair....

Dear Ethers,

I know I told you one horror story from the DMV, so I’ll spare you my most recent delight when I had to renew my license this time around in Los Angeles.  Hey, I was actually impressed with the place.  They managed to have toilet paper in the bathroom!  Huge improvement.  Moving on from the hygiene issues of this great government building that probably inspired anti-bacterial hand wash, part of the renewal process is an eye test.  And you know what, I was fucked.  

I really hadn’t realized how much my eyesight has depreciated over the years.  My prescription has stayed the same whenever I get glasses.  And, I only wear them when I drive at night if I need to look out for street signs or if I’m on a freeway and need to make a rapid decision.  I also wear them for watching television or when I go to the cinema.  Basically I can’t see things very clearly far away—everything is slightly fuzzy.  Just fuzzy enough so that it makes it frustrating because I can see outlines of people and words but it’s just not clear enough to make out what they are or who they are.  

In California if you don’t pass the eye exam you have in big red letters stamped on your license that you have to wear corrective lenses on when you drive.  That’s a real pain in the ass for me because when I drive during the day I wear sunglasses and it would cost me a fortune to get them all made into prescriptive lenses.  I’ve tried contacts and can’t stand them (I hated the idea of touching my eyeball).  I though if maybe I could memorize a few of the charts I could wing it, but there were so many, I knew I was doomed.  I had to talk my way out of this. 

When I went up to the guy to renew, the first thing was the eye test.  He totally saw me trying to cheat and was about to smack my hand with a ruler!  I confessed all.  I told him to look up my history—that I have no accidents, and told him the above.  That I AM responsible when it counts but having that scarlet letter on my license would be a killer for me during the day.  Now, I’m not saying either he nor I were being good citizens, but he let me off the hook.  Am I going to be fucked in the next 10 years when I have to renew again—totally!  But thank god I’m cool this time around.  

But I can’t help but feel my eyesight is cursed.  Let me tell you a little story about a 3^rd grader named One of 365.  She sat behind a beautiful blonde named Serena O. and she was really popular.  One day she walks into class and she is wearing the coolest pair of pink glitter spectacles I have ever seen.  She got so much attention, I was fuming!  I, even then the budding fashionista, HAD to have a pair.  Somewhat clever even then, I asked what her symptoms were to get such a wonderful accessory and she revealed all.  That same day I marched home and complained of headaches, eyestrain and blurry vision.  When we went to the optician he didn’t understand.  I had 20/20 vision and everything was spic and span.  But I conned the guy and I’m sure he wanted to make a buck, so he gave me what was called a preventative lens (probably clear) and I snagged my glasses.  I remember choosing so carefully.  I settled upon a lavender plastic pair that I felt went with my creamy white complexion and dark features.  When I walked into class, Serena was yesterday’s news and I was the new “it” girl.  But, from then on, my eyesight has depreciated.  I wonder if someone—an optician god has punished me for my lie and has caused me to pay for my deceptive ways.  

Now I always make sure to have a pair in my bag at all times.  It’s like someone who needs to always have their meds on them.  I don’t know if I’m going to be driving unfamiliar roads and need them, or if night comes around, and I am without, things could get dangerous.  

I would kill to have laser eye surgery.  But my doctor says that they are still improving it and since I have yet to hit 30, I should wait another 10 years until my eyesight has really gone down hill.  Truthfully, I’m also really chicken about a laser near my eyeball. 

I hate that I can’t see myself in outfits from far away that I have to squint to recognize you, that I have blanked people and been rude without knowing it.  Damn the curse of the glasses.  Damn them!  And all because of the fateful day in 3^rd grade.  Damn you Serena!!!!!!!!!!!

My Dad recently bought me a fucking high-tech eyeglass cleaner from the Sharper Image for a present.  I was distraught.  I was hoping for something like shoes.  I’m telling you guys…getting old…you get gifts like an eyeglass cleaner—-a fucking car wash for your eyeglasses.  Well, at least I’m not one of those bald dudes who look like he’s from the Berlin art scene with whacko glasses wearing a black turtleneck where his goggles make up his whole persona.  Then it would be jump off London Bridge time.  So to all of you fellow spectacle wearing beauties out there, may we one day all be able to throw them off our faces and be given the gift of 20/20 again! I clink glasses with all of you! 

Dedicatedly yours,

—One of 365

Dar Ether,

I’ve been going to events hosted by PR’s for a long time now and the color worn by the ladies of the night is always black.  I don’t know if any of you lovely PR girls will be reading this, but I’m sure you’ll agree that sometimes it’s hard to find something flattering and work-appropriate for an event.  You don’t want to out-dress your attendees, but you also don’t want to be mistaken for a waiter.  

I went to the lovely Calvin Klein website and was very surprised.  They’ve come along way since the 90’s where ghetto people were wearing oversized Calvin Klein knock-off T-shirts or you’d see CK jeans rotting in the racks of TJ Maxx.  Oh and do you remember the era of CK One?  I thought I’d never breathe fresh air again!  Truthfully, it’s happening with Thierry Mugler’s Angel, but I suppose every decade has its fragrance trend. The site wasn’t Mr. Klein’s runway collection.  It was his reasonably priced clothing that had amazing sales and truthfully, the full price goodies were fair given they were really on trend, the fabrics were top-notch and the cuts looked excellent.  There is a Calvin Klein in a mall near my house and simply from looking at this site I’m going, credit card in hand, and shopping!  

So, back to out PR princess.  She’s a tough cookie because she’s gotta handle high-level clients, keep her cool, look attractive, but also understated. She also needs to be classy.  She can’t stand out and experiment with trends.  So let’s pretend that this is an event for Calvin Klein.  She’s donning everything from his collection to be supportive and represent, so if anyone asks what she is wearing she can boast that it is indeed from Mr. Klein. The base color is black with the only other shades being golds, coppers and caramels.  The leopard print on the heel is the only bit of sass in the outfit, but it’s good.  It show she is stylish, has some funk and knows her fashion.  Okay, the doors are about to open.  Time to primp the outfit and make sure she looks as sleek as the label she’s representing.

The dress of the night! This basic black dress is very deceptive in its simplicity. It's bustier and criss cross straps give support allowing for her to not have to wear a bra. This eliminates unsightly straps and uncomfortable underwires so she can feel completely at ease to do her work. The cinched waist holds her in at the right spot to make her look her slimmest and the pockets are excellent for holding spare pens, blackberry; whatever she may need to throw in at the last second if she is without her purse. The dress is deceptively simple, but because the cut and tailoring are so well done, she looks elegant and well-presented. Criss Cross Bustier Dress, Originally $138 now $69, calvinklein.com

These are sexy and add a splash of fun to the all black attire. They have a severe heel, but the platform will allow ball of foot comfort. The straps and sling-back will keep the heel on tight so no slipping out of the shoe. It also shows you've got a bit of personality to your fashion sense even if you can't really show it at this event. The dress is on the shorter side, and these heels have height (4"!) so you're gonna have elongated legs which will make you stand out above the crowd giving you a good vantage point, but also allowing you to maybe get snagged by a hot celebrity because DAMN your legs will look AMAZING! Prive Leopard Print Pony Sandal, $118, calvinklein.com

Blackberry Check! Guest-list? Check! Perfume? Check! Mirror? Check! What else? That's the beauty of this bag. It can hold whatever you need and more! It's big, it's classy and though understated with its black leather and gold hardware, the C shaped design and handle make it architectural and sleek. It'll fit cozily under your arm ready to be unzipped and opened for whatever you need. It's in the bag, baby! C Link Crescent Hobo, $198, calvinklein.com

You're SO gonna need a watch, right? This goes perfectly with the ensemble. It's dressy, looks a bit like a bracelet so you don't have to worry that you are sans baubles, and most importantly it tells the bloody time. Truthfully, I'm not one for branded watches unless the name Rolex or Cartier comes into the mix (wink) but if you're representing the brand or need a reasonable evening watch, this one ain't too shabby. If you were to wear it with a bunch of really cool black enamel bracelets and gold bangles it could be gorgeous! Gold Lexington Watch, $255, calvinklein.com

I had to insert a fragrance in the mix! C'mon, it's Calvin Klein! I chose one of his less familiar names, though truthfully they are all sold at a Boots or a CVS pharmacy, right? As a little trail-off, I'm a fragrance fanatic and own a beyond belief amount from my beauty days. I have a special place in my heart for the art of perfume and hate mass produced ones like these. BUT, I do understand their necessity in the world, and that's why I am including this. I just feel if you wear a perfume, try and find one that's not worn by every Joe Schmo on the street. Really investigate and experiment to find "you" in a scent. Okay, I'll shut up. Basically, I chose this because of the bottle. I thought if Miss PR girl were to pull it out, it would match her outfit! It's also a sultry fragrance with top notes: plum, mace, rose de damas mid notes: egyptian jasmine, french orange flower, tuberose base notes: cashmere woods, burnt amber, madagascan vanilla, australian sandalwood. Really good for a night out and to mask any sweat building up from a stressed out evening! Secret Obsession, 3.4 oz EDP Originally $72 now $36, calvinklein.com

Now, sniffle, if you’ve noticed, there is NO poll! I have done this purposefully to punish you all!!!!! Jokes aside, no one was voting.  So I decided to try 1 “Wish List” without it to see if I would get any comments asking for it back.  If you want it, you got it.  But if you don’t miss it, I won’t bring it back from the dead.  Poor poll.  He’s the only guy I knew who actually wanted his buttons pushed

Dedicatedly yours,

—One of 365