Blecchhh. Tell me about it, Banksy.

Dear Ether,

4 days of rain the forecast.  Yep.  Dark days ahead.  As you know, I suffer from terrible seasonal affective disorder and the dark, wet skies aren’t going to make things pleasant.  These are the days that I wonder what the point of being in “sunny California” is?  Yeah, yeah.  I know I can’t have good weather all year round, but when it rains here, I find this place to have very few endearing qualities.  

When it starts to hit heavy, I tend to put on Bach, light a candle and stay under the covers.  But, I have a serious deadline for a huge feature due on Monday.  The feature is on a subject that’s–well–let’s just say it isn’t rocket science.  Yet, it requires a ton of accurate research and pressure and when you can’t stand the subject you’re writing about, it becomes utter agony. This, coupled with the weather is gonna be a toughie to pull off.

I’ll try not to be a miserable git.  I can’t promise the happiest of posts, but hopefully you guys will act as a nice break from the monotony of writing about a certain brand of shoes that are anything but glamorous.   In fact, I’d like to give this article the “boot.”  

To all my fellow Jewish friends, Hanukkah starts tomorrow!  Awwww, how lovely.  So, for those of you who get there before I do (living in a different time zone) spin a dreidel for me and eat a tasty latke!  

Not much to this entry.  Just wanted to check in and let you know I still had a pulse.  I’m exhausted from doing research and speaking to “experts” about vacuous things.  I’m hoping my next assignment will be a nice reward–a piece with some depth to make up for this moronic topic.  Hey, you win some, you lose some.  For example, my book feature comes out this Sunday.  Can’t wait!  I wrote over 2,500 words and reviewed 14 books (hey, I got attached and couldn’t choose!). My Editor told me 3 books would be cut (sniffle).  I wait with SERIOUS angst to see which ones got sliced (again, major attachment issues).  After the bad boy is published I’ll tell you what books I recommended (really fab and unique stuff that is tick list worthy for gifts!).  

A more boisterous post tomorrow I hope.

YAWWWWN! STREEEETCH!  (I think I just felt my Quasimodo lump snap!) 

Time to hit the hay a bit early.  Guten Nacht gang.  I begin early tomorrow (and you KNOW how much I love to rise and shine).

PS: Sorry I haven’t Tweeted in a while.  Will be back on form once this fucking piece is done!  I’m also trying my best with comments.  Do be patient…please

Dedicatedly yours,

—One of 365

HA! Dear Anyone Who Knows One Of 365 Expecting Gifts Like Pictured: Dream On!!!!!!!

Dear Ether, 

Bah-Humbug.  Yep.  You heard me.  And this is from a nice Jewish girl!  Here’s my dilemma.  Shoe-gal, whose local convenient store, if she lived in London, would be the Harrods Food Halls, has bought me a Christmas gift.  A very kind gesture indeed. However, I must reciprocate, and as we know my local convenient store does not have a green awning and a doorman.  

It was really strange that she wrote me and told me that she had bought me something.  We haven’t seen one another in about 2 weeks.  She’s been doing business in NYC (probably shopping in Bergdorf’s) and she finally got back into town.  Truthfully, I have missed her.  She’s a helluva lot of fun, really kind, and has pizzazz in the bag!  She also gets me out, which is good.  The Quasimodo lump that is starting to grow on my back from bad posture (and a crummy desk chair) from toiling away at my computer is really getting unsightly.  Anyway, I dunno about you guys, but I never announce that I have bought someone a gift…….UNLESS I want one BACK!  

So that’s my theory.  Shoe gal wants me to know she has bought me a gift and she wants something in return.  An exchange.  Fuck!  The problem is I don’t have the bucks to get her something that will live up to her bling lifestyle.  And, what happens if she got me something outrageously pricey?  What am I supposed to do when she opens my card with a $25 gift voucher to H&M?  I think she’d shudder at the fact that the store carried anything with polyester.  And what happens if she’s just picked me up a token, and I end up spending my Bat Mitzvah savings on her?  Then I’ll feel like a superficial and  presumptuous ass.

I feel very rude.  She has asked me to hang out this weekend and I have ignored her E-mail.  Terrible, I know.  But I’m afraid to communicate with her because I’m in this bind.  Look, the truth is I can’t see her this weekend anyway (I’m on deadline).  But, eventually she and I will end up making a date and the inevitable exchange of pressies will happen.  Damn I hate the holidays. 

So Ethers, what’s your advice?  Tis’ the season of giving, right?  But, what happens if all you have lining your pockets is lint and some old chewing gum?  I can’t ask Shoe-gal how much she spent, or what she got me.  And I can’t get the gift first and then give her one based on how much she spent……….and what do you get for a woman who can afford anything anyway?  And shoes are OUT of the question. 

So—how much should I spend?  What genre of gift should I give her? And, what do I do if her gift is crazy expensive and mine looks like a cheap piece of crap in comparison?

 Please don’t tell me it’s the thought that counts.  Because if you guys felt that way, then you would all be happy with a shitty Christmas jumper, a fruit-cake and “The Beach Boys Sing Christmas” CD……….right? 

HELP!

Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Dedicatedly yours,

—One of 365

I know exactly how he feels. He's been working all day long and he's just ready to punch out. ME TOO! Except my mom didn't pack me a snack like his did Though HE DID get dressed (dapper sport coat) and I'm still in my PJ's. Ahhh, the glam life of a freelance writer!

Dear Ethers,

I just finished. Just.  I am so tired I never want to talk about sh-sh-sh-shoes again!  But the article is done and dusted, E-mailed and sent and I hope my Editor likes it. The sad casualty, as I unfortunately assumed, was the Wish List.  But, I’m thinking maybe I’ll do a rain check mid-week or, again, make it up to you with a super kick-ass version next Monday.  

Can I ask a huge favor?  A very huge favor indeed?  Can I go to sleep?  I think I’m starting to get arthritis in my fingers from typing, my rear-end is on fire from sitting so long in one chair and I think my eyes are ready for a new Px from the glare of the screen all day—actually—day—what IS day?  

I have SO much I want to talk to you guys about–mainly just some nutty party stuff, and my usual worries (LOL) but alas, that’s why you’re my buddies, right?  I want to do it justice and you know when I write a post—I WRITE A POST (oh, you know you Ethers LOVE my 1,500 word ones!!!).  So, let me rest my weary body and mind and eat something inappropriate that keeps me further from getting into cute jeans and I will make it up to you tomorrow.  I promise.

As always…..

Dedicatedly yours, 

—One of 365

This article is going to be the end of me. And on shoes, nonetheless....and I LOVE shoes! So, sorry for the rambling below (I needed the break from writing!).......but hey, how badass is this Chanel heel that our Queen Of England, Madonna wore? Now these really are KILLER heels!

Dear Ethers,

A really short one tonight.  My apologies.  Tomorrow could be the same (yes, the victim might be the Wish List!).  I have two enormous feature pieces I am writing that are both due on Tuesday and I am having a really rough time with them.  One is re-working a piece that was really creative (written like a story). It was  bought (yes!) and then my Editor wanted me to add a philosophical element to it that required getting quotes from major companies (which you have to chase, chase, chase) and re-arranging the piece to keep its integrity and also allow it to make sense (no!).  It’s tricky when you sell a piece to a major newspaper.  Once they buy it, they can be cheeky and keep asking you to make little tweaks until it has elements in your work that you never intended.  I really loved my original and wrote it on a whim when a cool event in the fashion world caught my fancy and made me wonder.  It just poured from my fingers and I was so pleased with it.  So was my Editor, but then she wanted to turn it into a leading feature for the week before Christmas—a very savory slot—and needed it to be a more powerful statement story and not as “fun.”  Hey, I get paid per word and am pretty damned psyched, but still, I feel stuck because I don’t think what she’s asking exactly works.  Sighhh…but, this is going to be a big deal and I just started working with this paper (and lord knows I need the dosh and exposure) so I’m not going to say no.  And, hey, a good writer is always one who can take a deep breath and hit the delete button and make edits.  

As for the other piece, you’d think it would be so easy!  I had to interview 3 major shoe designers and ask them each the same 7 questions.  Then, all I have to do is formulate a story about shoes—and hey, even easier, I get to pick the idea of the theme.  I’m allowed a two paragraph lead-in and then I have to weave their answers in cleverly.  Simple, right?  WRONG.  I can’t believe of all things SHOES are giving me a nightmare (maybe it’s my new relationship with shoe gal!).  I think I’ve written and re-written this feature about 4 times and have erased them all without saving one draft.  It’s the main story for a special on shoes for the November 15th issue and I am having is-SHOES!    It’s my first assigned piece from my Editor and I want to show her I’m really good.  She says she’s tried out loads of freelancers and they’ve sucked and I don’t want to fail her.  Maybe she’s cursed me like many a women have cursed a man.  You know, talking about how past boyfriends have stunk in bed right before you and she are about to sleep together.  All sorts of thoughts probably go through their minds and then it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.  UGH!

Anyway, the fuckers are both due Tuesday, 9AM PST and I am shaking in my boots.  I’ve never been this nervous about my work before.  I think I’ve had the confidence kicked out of me by so many Manolo’s (ha ha…ermm…ha) that I’ve lost my One of 365 pride.  It’s also nerve wracking when you know that one company you work for just fired a shed load of people and are making serious budget cuts which trickle down to you and this might be a way to make up for that loss of much needed cash.  

So, will you forgive me today?  My eyes are crossing from staring at my Mac—I even got desperate enough and tried to distract myself from writing by taking crazy pics with my Photo Booth on my computer.  I’m proud to say that I have wonderful Warhol-esque images of me cross-eyed and sticking my tongue out.  

I have to dish about the party. Some nutters were there and I’ll let you now Mr. Depp, sadly, didn’t show.  But a few famous faces did and a crazy Arab prince arrived and I have a hilarious story about that which will make you wonder if I am lying about some of the crazy shit that happens in my life.  

If you asked me when I was a kid if I would be 29, sitting in front a computer on a Sunday night ready to burn all my heels as a coup d’etat against the governing body of shoes or that I would even be obnoxious enough to use the expression coup d’etat instead of speaking English, then I think I would have tried to buckle down on my math and science skills and tried to become a therapist (I’m nuts, remember—and they say it helps one to know one—maybe I would have been great!).  

Jesus, for a quick post this thing is already almost 900 words with my ramblings.  I can’t ever write a short tid-bit, can I

Sorry for complaining, but it sure was nice to write about something else besides heel height and balls of feet.  And, seriously, no matter how bad this writer’s block is, it certainly beats the red carpet.  BLECHHHHHHHHH!  Sighhh……crystal ball, I beg of you, where will I be in the next 5 years??

Dedicatedly yours,

—One of 365

Dear Ethers,

I’m going to try and shake off the past week and start fresh today.  Thank you for all of your support and I am going to consider Monday a new day.  This weekend has been a miserable one and I am hoping that this week is the beginning of a whole new me.  

The “Wish List” is about having fun and playing around on the web with fashion.  I’ve decided to do something completely wacky.  I wouldn’t necessarily consider this outfit a “Wish List” tick sheet BUT I had a hell of a lot of fun playing with a Fall color and really fun cuts and lines that are so prevalent in fashion today.  And who better to do that with than Jil Sander?  Always known for avant garde tailoring and modernistic styles, this is one designer that has made clothing always look decades ahead of its time.  I decided to play with the idea of one color.  I do NOT believe in wearing mono-colors (I think that was very “our parents generation”–matchy-matchy, you know?)—however, this was just too much fun too resist.  I love how it all falls together for the, well, Fall, and out of all of the selections, the structures and lines on these choices were just so extraordinarily laid out.  They were cut with such precision, I just had to pay homage to the genius of the designer through her architectural thought process and color coordination that just made everything pop.

So enjoy this color bonanza and make this week’s “Wish List” your new “Orange Crush.”  It’s very short this time around, but extremely sweet.

Dedicatedly yours,

—One of 365

The front of this dress is an absolute architectural masterpiece. The way it sits on the body, the way each piece of fabric is stiff to add curves where there aren't--pure genius. The folds and the flaps and the 3-dimensional wraps. This is the kind of dress that wouldn't look good but in this vibrant pucker of orange. Sculptured Wool Crepe Dress, $2,245, jilsander.com

Normally I don't do back-shots, but again, the masterful draping---it would be criminal only to show this dress from the front. Not only do you make a helluva an entrance, but damn, do you make a smokin' exit too!

How did someone even come up with the construction of these? They look like they should be on display at the Tate!! Look, I'm not saying they'd be easy to walk in, or your feet would feel good in them, but seriously, just close your eyes and picture that dress with these shoes. Yeah, your legs would be sky-high, the symmetry would be knock-out and people would think you were some kind of real-life art instillation. Oh, if only Edie Sedgwick were alive today! Wrap Tangerine Sandals, $895, jilsander.com

Yep, I told you it was a whole lot of orange---but fresh squeezed it is! You are not looking stale in this outfit and this patent clutch makes you look sleek as ever. Again, it's all about lines and this bag, with its stitching, off-placement of its opening and jelly-bean shape is perfect for this ensemble. Polished Leather Clutch, $590, jilsander.com

And for our finale, how much groovier can you get than a citrine earring that is like a stick-pin through your ear? Never traditional, Sander makes the lines exceptional again by placing the earring in a horizontal manner through the lobe rather than the normal dangle or stud. It goes brilliantly with the lines and I love how it hits the cheekbone. A perfect finale for our "sweet" outfit. Runway Earring, Price Unknown, Image Snagged Off Of Runway