Ermm....even if I had an ass like this...I need a bit more coverage...

Dear Ether,

Is it wrong to wear knickers from Costco?  Does buying underwear in a vacuum-sealed pack by the dozen make me less of a woman?  

I don’t enjoy spending a lot of money on undergarments.  I like them to be functional.  Now, it’s true that I haven’t been on the dating scene in a long time. I probably wouldn’t wear my 80’s floral patterned pants to meet a hot dude at his apartment.  BUT, what about schlepping around during the day?  I mean, women, when they go to the market, wear lacy-black thongs (how do I know this—well, you know when you squat down looking at the bottom shelf, be careful!  We can see your business…enough said).   Or, ladies power-walk to work wearing La Perla.  I suppose many women feel that it all begins with the foundation of your clothes and then you build up.  Not me!  I like the freedom of throwing on my cheap-o undies, 100% cotton, fully covered bum, in a dopey pattern or just a block color.  Though I do have my standards–I never wear white! 

I own a couple of sexy little numbers.  And sometimes, when I’ve been bad about doing laundry, I’ve been forced to pull them out for everyday use.  I feel silly.  Like I’m wearing a cocktail dress out to McDonalds.  It doesn’t feel like I’m treating myself to something special.  In fact, it feels scratchy or too posh.  It seems like a waste.  People would laugh if they knew what was under some of the clothes worn to many of the events I attend.  For example, I have a beautiful Chloe dress that I wear with black Louboutin’s.  Yeah……I then rock the look with budget lingerie from the Gap or Primark.  

When I first changed in front of English gent, I didn’t expect to be going au natural.  And since I rock the shitty undergarment look, well fuck, out came the 5 year old, no name nude bra.  And, of course, the Costco paisley-print briefs.  HOT!  As a joke I said “What do you think?” He laughed and said, “That is truly shocking.”  Hey, Ethers, at least I still had it in me to shock a man!  

When I see a woman in an ad or a film wearing a gorgeous set of lingerie and see her power of seduction, yeah, I often feel the elastic in the waist of my knickers and frown.  But, instead of spending 30 bucks per pair (at least) on some silk string bikinis, I’d much rather enjoy a nice lunch instead.  

Recently I saw some tabloid photos of Miranda Kerr (Orlando Bloom’s lady) in a corset and thigh-high’s from the Victoria’s Secret fashion show.  Yep.  She looked amazing. But, then I saw another pap photo of her changing in the background of another runway show.  She was wearing a crappy, plain nude bra and from what I could see a tan thong.  And you know what, she still looked pretty fucking hot.  At the end of the day, if you’ve got a great bod, those vacuum-sealed bargain beauties are gonna be just fine.  And if you don’t have such a great figure, yeah, maybe a sexy number from Rigby & Pellar will make you appear hotter or feel better.  But, hey, let’s face it, no matter how tight you lace that bustier, you ain’t gonna look like Ms. Kerr.  So, my feeling?  Save your bucks.  You’ll only be wearing that stuff for a few seconds anyway if you’re with a guy.  And at the end of the day, the fewer strings and snaps he has to deal with to get to you, the better.  Viva la underpants!!!!!!

Dedicatedly yours, 

—One of 365

One of the MANY reasons I choose not to wear white underpants.....visible panty line....though this lady has a few other things to think about!

Dear Ether,

I haven’t had time to do a proper Wish List in forever!  Yes, I have been perusing the Web drooling at collections knowing that by the time I’ll be able to afford these gorgeous clothes, I’ll be too old for them.  And that was what I always adored about my Wish List.  That I could shop and put together an ensemble as if I were ready to slam down that credit card after making my selection.

So, eyebrows knit, concentration at the highest level, I hit the Matthew Williamson website and was blown away by the easy to use and fun virtual closet that lay before me.  Many times I visit high-end designer  sites and they are embedded with so many bells and whistles.  Too much Flash and crazy music.  You can’t even figure out how to navigate the bloody thing and you give up before you even get to see what they have on offer.  I also love that you can copy and paste images allowing you to make a visual tick-list for later consideration.  So many designers have posted their pictures with such high security that you can’t pull pieces that you might want to save on your desktop or share with your friends and ask for advice.  The only crummy thing that Maestro Williamson has done is not posted the prices.  Dun, dun, dun!  We know what that means.  That the goods are so damned pricey they are afraid to show you what they cost for fear of you collapsing right in front of your screen.  They offer you a NYC phone number to call for advice about any frock, but I hate this feature.  I want to have the privacy of working online and cutting out dealing with a pushy sales person.  Bad move Matthew!

Anyway, I wanted to go for something sexy, badass, uber luxe and probably worth a zillion dollars because–fuck—the prices weren’t there so I figured why shouldn’t we live in fantasy land this once?  Matthew Williamson kits out all the cool kids from Sienna Miller to Kate Moss.  This Brit, believe it or not, actually started with some of his first goodies in Marks & Spencer’s in their “Autograph” range……whoa!  Williamson, has actually stayed quite close to his department store grass roots having been part of Designer’s At Debenhams in the UK since 2002 under the name “Butterfly” (his famous insignia) and more recently, by partnering up with a one-off collection with H&M.  In 2006, Williamson took over as Creative Director at Pucci (not surprising as he is known for his brilliant patterns and color palettes, just as Emilio Pucci was).  And, he has a lovely line of fragrance and candles that he launched in 2005.  Not surprising, this 38 year old is a graduate from Central St. Martin’s in London and has now become one of the staple names on the runways today.

So, picture this.  You are out in London.  It is cold, but man have you got the MOST amazing shoes you want to show off and anyway, when you get inside, it’ll be warm.  So sporting a short dress (again, don’t worry, you have a “pimp” coat covering you) you are almost ready to go.  While applying your make-up, you’ve lit a lovely scented candle to get you in a sexy, chilled out mood.  You’ve grabbed your blingalicious, but beyond jealousy-enducing bag, just as you’ve heard the taxi honk its horn.  Damn, you look HOT!  Let’s GO!

Yep. This hugs you in ALL the right places. The pattern is beyond cool with a futuristic/Asian inspired feel. The hand-beading at the chest allows you to forget about the need for jewelery as it's built in! The tulip shaped skirt and the polo neck make the dress architectural in cut (which is on trend). The black band around the waist looks like a belt giving the appearance of a petite ribcage and the sleeves are fitted to elongate the arms. The length is perfectly cut to show off the right amount of leg and the right amount of heel! Lace Jersey Polo Neck Dress-Black Multi, www.matthewwilliamson.com (price upon request)

Yeah. These aren't your ordinary black court shoe. From the platform, to the wings on the side to the hot-pink piping---these are killer heels. Again, these are slightly architectural in design which match the quirkiness of the dress and the heel height will make your legs soar! Nappa Patent Court Shoe-Black www.matthewwillamson.com (price upon request)

These are from the runway....but I thought I'd give you another alternative to the basic black if you really wanted to go wild! I think the blue snakeskin might actually work with the patterns in the dress and certainly the color scheme. These shoes are NOT for the shy violet--though neither is this ensemble. I like that these shoe-boots are a bit more punk-funk and make the dress slightly more daring. Call me crazy! But hey, it's always YOUR choice. Runway Shoe-Boots, No Price or Name.

I'd kill for this bag. Kill! It's sexy, elegant, trendy, youthful, seductive.....it is THE perfect evening bag. I love the shimmering colors and the scales on the shell. The chain in the gunmetal looks very evening---and chains as straps again are on trend. This will go magically with the colors of the dress. LOVE THIS! Hard Evening Acid Python Oval Bag-Blue, www.matthewwilliamson.com (price upon request)

I promised you a ridiculously opulent jacket--well here it is! A fox fur coat fashioned to look like mink, is going to keep you warm and trendy. Typical of Williamson, there are panels of bespoke brocade near the lapels in orange and gold. Curvy, with loads of volume and class, as much as you are going to want to reveal your dead-hot dress---this is going to be a pity to take off. Fox Brocade Coat-Mink, www.matthewwilliamson.com (price upon request)

And finally, just to get you going before the night begins and calm you down after it ends, here is one cool candle from Matthew's extensive collection. With loads of colors and scents, you'll find the one perfect for your groove for the night. I just chose this one because I thought the color looked nice and the name "Dusk" seemed appropriate Matthew Williamson Scented Candles, www.matthewwilliamson.com (price upon request)

This is just about how beautiful I think I look when I wear my glasses. I HATE them. They are a pain in the ass to remember to bring along in your purse, they aren't always flattering, they ain't cheap and I just think they lessen your look. Some would disagree and say girls look sexy with a good pair of 4 eyes. Me, I rue the day I ever met the blonde in 3rd grade who made me sell my soul to the devil for my 1st pair....

Dear Ethers,

I know I told you one horror story from the DMV, so I’ll spare you my most recent delight when I had to renew my license this time around in Los Angeles.  Hey, I was actually impressed with the place.  They managed to have toilet paper in the bathroom!  Huge improvement.  Moving on from the hygiene issues of this great government building that probably inspired anti-bacterial hand wash, part of the renewal process is an eye test.  And you know what, I was fucked.  

I really hadn’t realized how much my eyesight has depreciated over the years.  My prescription has stayed the same whenever I get glasses.  And, I only wear them when I drive at night if I need to look out for street signs or if I’m on a freeway and need to make a rapid decision.  I also wear them for watching television or when I go to the cinema.  Basically I can’t see things very clearly far away—everything is slightly fuzzy.  Just fuzzy enough so that it makes it frustrating because I can see outlines of people and words but it’s just not clear enough to make out what they are or who they are.  

In California if you don’t pass the eye exam you have in big red letters stamped on your license that you have to wear corrective lenses on when you drive.  That’s a real pain in the ass for me because when I drive during the day I wear sunglasses and it would cost me a fortune to get them all made into prescriptive lenses.  I’ve tried contacts and can’t stand them (I hated the idea of touching my eyeball).  I though if maybe I could memorize a few of the charts I could wing it, but there were so many, I knew I was doomed.  I had to talk my way out of this. 

When I went up to the guy to renew, the first thing was the eye test.  He totally saw me trying to cheat and was about to smack my hand with a ruler!  I confessed all.  I told him to look up my history—that I have no accidents, and told him the above.  That I AM responsible when it counts but having that scarlet letter on my license would be a killer for me during the day.  Now, I’m not saying either he nor I were being good citizens, but he let me off the hook.  Am I going to be fucked in the next 10 years when I have to renew again—totally!  But thank god I’m cool this time around.  

But I can’t help but feel my eyesight is cursed.  Let me tell you a little story about a 3^rd grader named One of 365.  She sat behind a beautiful blonde named Serena O. and she was really popular.  One day she walks into class and she is wearing the coolest pair of pink glitter spectacles I have ever seen.  She got so much attention, I was fuming!  I, even then the budding fashionista, HAD to have a pair.  Somewhat clever even then, I asked what her symptoms were to get such a wonderful accessory and she revealed all.  That same day I marched home and complained of headaches, eyestrain and blurry vision.  When we went to the optician he didn’t understand.  I had 20/20 vision and everything was spic and span.  But I conned the guy and I’m sure he wanted to make a buck, so he gave me what was called a preventative lens (probably clear) and I snagged my glasses.  I remember choosing so carefully.  I settled upon a lavender plastic pair that I felt went with my creamy white complexion and dark features.  When I walked into class, Serena was yesterday’s news and I was the new “it” girl.  But, from then on, my eyesight has depreciated.  I wonder if someone—an optician god has punished me for my lie and has caused me to pay for my deceptive ways.  

Now I always make sure to have a pair in my bag at all times.  It’s like someone who needs to always have their meds on them.  I don’t know if I’m going to be driving unfamiliar roads and need them, or if night comes around, and I am without, things could get dangerous.  

I would kill to have laser eye surgery.  But my doctor says that they are still improving it and since I have yet to hit 30, I should wait another 10 years until my eyesight has really gone down hill.  Truthfully, I’m also really chicken about a laser near my eyeball. 

I hate that I can’t see myself in outfits from far away that I have to squint to recognize you, that I have blanked people and been rude without knowing it.  Damn the curse of the glasses.  Damn them!  And all because of the fateful day in 3^rd grade.  Damn you Serena!!!!!!!!!!!

My Dad recently bought me a fucking high-tech eyeglass cleaner from the Sharper Image for a present.  I was distraught.  I was hoping for something like shoes.  I’m telling you guys…getting old…you get gifts like an eyeglass cleaner—-a fucking car wash for your eyeglasses.  Well, at least I’m not one of those bald dudes who look like he’s from the Berlin art scene with whacko glasses wearing a black turtleneck where his goggles make up his whole persona.  Then it would be jump off London Bridge time.  So to all of you fellow spectacle wearing beauties out there, may we one day all be able to throw them off our faces and be given the gift of 20/20 again! I clink glasses with all of you! 

Dedicatedly yours,

—One of 365

Dear Ether,

To keep on truckin’ with the beauty front, I’m going to insert a write-up I did on one of my favorite make-up must-haves for a page I did for a women’s magazine. I dunno, it felt so good to be writing about beauty again yesterday (Beauty Trend: Say “Da” For Russia!), I thought I’d go with the flow and finish the week with another fun one (tomorrow is “Fashion Friday’s” so technically the week ends then). I’d been looking at my sidebar and noticed that I had written so few things about beauty and thought it was really funny given I’m a beauty writer.  I guess I was so convinced that when I started this blog I was going to keep my day job out of things.  But you know what, I really love what I do and I’m going to try and include it more because it’s such a part of me.  Also, because I’m not writing beauty every single day like I used to, when I DO write about it, I’m reminded about how much I miss it.  So, this is short and sweet.  Really stylized and written in SUCH a women’s magazine format.  Reading it again I can’t help but laugh!  Okay, here’s a fun little piece on a favorite product of mine:

                                             Beauty Artillery                                                                                            

  Mission: Killer Eyes                   Weapon: Mac Eye Kohl “Smolder”

Be armed and dangerous ladies! Here is the sexiest secret in town. I think I've come across dozens of pencils in my day and NOTHING has even come close to a black liner like "Smolder." I always make sure to own at least 2 (1 for the kit at home and 1 for the on-the-go bag). If you wanna make those eyes stand out, there really is no better solution. Lock and load baby!

In this Lipstick Jungle, a poorly tinted lip “bomb” can ruin even the most vibrant pucker.  So, like a good soldier, you need to be armed with the right weapons to ensure that you’re ready for battle.  I mean, who wants to be taken captive by the wrong blush, powder or foundation?  Not you, my cute recruit.  Not you.  So listen up.  I have a little item that will keep you ready for action anytime.  

Mac Eye Kohl in “Smolder” (even the moniker is badass) takes your eyes from innocent peepers to sexy sleepers.  And, F-Y-Eye, even as far back as the Bronze Age, Egyptian queens applied Kohl not just to glam up their orbs, but also to ward off the sun’s glare.  To protect and to serve, right?  Old Cleopatra sure knew her stuff.  

“Smolder” is my chosen war paint because it’s the essential frame for your eye.  The consistency of the product is slick, and it glides on easily, making straight lines a snap (especially if you’ve got those pre-date jitters).  Kohl   is also a better alternative to a standard pencil because of its smudge-ability.  If you want that smoky-eyed, sultry look, this is one product worth fighting for.   

Mac offers the pencil in a variety of colors. It’s also ophthalmologist tested.  Visit their website at www.maccosmetics.com for more details.  Mac Eye Kohl “Smolder” $14.50 

Awwww, wasn’t that a bit of fun?  I love writing product write-ups for mags because you can totally be tongue and cheek, be a bit silly and go nuts with wordplay.  Sniffle.  I REALLY miss my 9-5.  Okay gang.  See you for “Fashion Fridays.”  I don’t know what I’m cooking up yet to wear, but hopefully it’ll be something fab. I better start thinking of a story now.  I’m debating putting a poll up—sigh—I think it might be a pointless endeavor.  But I hate to give in.  I’ve begged, pleaded.  But alas, no one will click a little button and VOTE!  I always think, “maybe this week they will.”  But always to my chagrin.  (Smile) We’ll see….

Dedicatedly yours, 

—One of 365

Dear Ether,

I’ve looked over my past Fridays and noticed a bit of a vintage vibe thing going on.  I realized, “Hey, many of you fashionista-Ethers may not be so into old skool dressing and may want something very right now!”  And let me tell you, this set of digits can wear it modern too.  So, I chose something that I thought was a bit sexy but also classy–we do not do “slapper” here at “Fashion Fridays!”  Yes, the top is very low cut, but the material and the style is very French linen making up for the expanse of cleavage.  The jeans are tight and black, but they are a classic cut and do not show off any cracks that shouldn’t be in the plaster if you know what I mean  And the shoes! Oh man, DO NOT get me started!  They are my latest acquisition.  I think they are modern, architectural and just do everything a heel should do.  And the best part?  They are comfortable so you can boogie all night long in style.  

I always like to give a story to my outfit, so tonight I’ll call this the “City Girl Night Time In The Summer” look.  I can see our lady in London or NYC walking in the Village or in Soho.  It’s a hot, August evening where you want to be wearing the bare minimum–especially if you’re going to be stuffed in a club or bar.  You can go from work in this outfit to drinks with your girls, or dinner with your guy (just put on a cardigan or funky tailored jacket, sleeves slightly pushed up, and a single button done up over the cami.  I’d say this was for a more casual, trendy work-place though). Great for dancing the night away because the camisole is light, the shoes comfy and the jeans have a bit of stretch so you can get down and move. Amazing for an evening at an exhibition (the artists will all LOVE the lines and colors of your shoes) where canapes, Warhol and champagne will be inhaled and you’ll be slightly tipsy off the genius of the NYU grads and the bubbly as you’re whisked away in your yellow taxi.  And when your night is ending with Big Ben ringing and sunlight coming up over Parliament, you don’t have to look like you’re wearing a walk of shame outfit. Remember, this lovely frock transitions night to day no problem–just make sure you powder your face and add a new slick of gloss to those happy lips.  

Summer. City. Night. This is a great outfit to wear to look comfortable IN, feel sexy IN and have fun IN. Modern, stylish and classy=perfection.

I don't normally do a back-shot but I wanted you to see the cross-back detail of this lovely top. I adore the thick straps and the look of it being like corsetry. I just think you would have missed out from just a front view. Pose is tres J Lo, no? LOL!

When I saw this top I had to have it. It was sitting in a little sale bin in a fancy boutique on Robertson Blvd. in Los Angeles and everything was on crazy clearance. The place was a madhouse and all the good stuff was going and I couldn't get my hands on anything. And then....I saw this! I loved the almost Victorian linen quality of the piece, but with the modern, deep cut. You really cannot have terribly large, wall-eyed or sagging breasts with this baby. I'm not saying my boobs are perfect, but this top really challenges "the girls" and you need to be able to fill it out with no spillage and have enough cleavage so you don't look flat chested. I might have to wear tape with it because if you aren't always watching, and you lean forward, BAM, a boob falls out! This is a thinking girls top, for sure! Borbonese Cross Back Camisole, originally $300 reduced to $60 Vionette Boutique Los Angeles

This is just one of those weird and wonderful things you throw together and make a necklace out of. The big gold "hunk" is part of a broken necklace from my Grandmother's costume jewellery from the 50's or 60's that I like to wear as a pendant, and the brooch I attached to the pendant is of a Chinese man who is holding a large pearl. I thought the two looked fun together and I needed something to break up the large chest space that the top was creating in my cleavage area. I thought this was a fun and funky way to do it. Faux Gold Pendant and Silver Brooch, One of 365's Own, Priceless!

Jeans photographed really gray, but they are a deep black. These are the most flattering denim I own. I wish I knew the style but I got them from a store that buys from stylists and designers, and these were a sample that were in the process of being chopped and changed for J Brand. I think they were just a design sample---they may never have actually ever produced these jeans. Ahhh, are they comfy! They have great stretch, hug you in the right places making your legs look like a tall drink of water and they give your tush a nice lift too. And guess what, these lovelies were are a bargain. J Brand usually go for like, what, $150-200 bucks, right? Well....J Brand Black Denim Jeans, $36 (WOWZA!) Brand New, Buffalo Exchange Los Angeles

Okay. I saw these in the sales and made a bee-line for them. A lovely bloke in the shop in L.A. named Alex (hi Alex!) is amazing and pointed out that all shoes were 75% off. Reiss have a bit of a funky shoe sizing issue. I would have bought more but they either make you buy a US 6.5 or a 7.5. I'm a 7! So, that these fit me, and they were my 1st choice of any pair...well, it was my lucky day. And, Miss Fergie (of Black Eyed Peas not of Weight Watchers fame) bought them too, my lovely source told me, so I am truly Fergalicious! I love the colors, the textures (they are champagne satin, black patent, and an aqua faux reptile) with the cutest little grosgrain ties in the back. The heel height is perfect and they are like wearing slippers! I was wearing them with jeans, but with a skirt or dress they make your gams look like uber model. I love Reiss. So pricey here in the States and the sales tend to not go as low as they do in the UK, but these were a bloody bargain! Rocco Sandal Originally $295 reduced to $88.50 Reiss Los Angeles