GULP!!!!!

Dear Ether,

It’s really quite strange.  One of 365 is a very small, anonymous blog.  A lovely and loyal group of chapettes leave kind comments, and occasionally I’ll get a few newbies leaving their P.O.V’s.  But, in my working life, my writing is published under my real name.  The articles are very public in well-known titles. Publications always post what I write online after it goes to print.  Standard these days.  I’m not used to having anyone really Tweet my work or write anything that I can’t censor before they leave a comment.  However, with this new situation, it’s my name and my writing standing stark naked for the world to judge.  

Often I get wonderful re-tweets and kind words.  And then I get shitty comments really attacking what I’ve written.  Total cringe.  I’ve recently been asked to start blogging for a national newspaper in addition to writing articles for them.  Well, it’s certainly a change of pace from One of 365.  My voice is 100% different, as are my topics and my word limit.  No swearing, nothing too daring and always having to mind my p’s and q’s.  I also have an editor making sure what I submit is proper.  

It’s so weird living this double life.  I can’t check the back-end of these sites to see hit rates or stats.  I can’t pick images.  I feel so out of control.  I also really want to reply to people who leave their opinions, but I’ve been instructed that this is off limits.  So, yes, silenced from any kind of interaction.  

As a writer…as a PAID writer….the sacrifice you have to make is once you hand over you work, it often no longer belongs to you.  I need the money.  That’s the truth.  So, I have to shut my trap and keep on trucking.  Look, I’m not likening myself to a celebrity, but you know how they say they don’t read what the tabloids say about them?  BOLLOCKS!  I am obsessed with comments about my articles and reading reviews about my writing.  My articles are posted on more than a few blogs and I wish so badly that I could write to bloggers—either thanking them or explaining to them what the truth is.  Hey, everyone has a right to their opinion.  But, the more public my work becomes, the tougher it is to just be quiet.  C’mon.  You guys know me.  Have I ever seemed like the type to be shy?  Exactly.  I think many of you Ethers, if you knew my real identity, and read my work, would laugh at my pieces.  See a whole other side of me.  

Right now I am at the stage in my career where I need to start marketing myself and getting my name out there even MORE.  Oh yeah.  MORE.  That means opening the door to a whole lot of extra opinions.  I don’t have the thickest skin, and maybe this is a good time to grow it.  And if I want to be a winner in this media game, I better start to play harder.  But I gotta tell you, the pressure and anxiety—always trying to please everyone—make the right decisions.  I feel like I’m in a fog.  

Right.  Back to my latest feature.  How very odd indeed.  I wonder if it will be loved or hated?  Or, actually, when I’ll start to not give a shit?  I’m never going to be the next Austen or Roth………..shit, I never thought I’d ever work again as a paid writer.  But I have to say, even the little bit that I add to the recycling bins of the world, well, it can be surreal sometimes. 

Dedicatedly yours, 

—One of 365

I just don't know how many more beat downs I can take. I sometimes don't even go into hysterics anymore but go into a quiet place and stare and just leak---sort of like this picture. Life, people---they are so cruel. But why? If we all are hurt by others and hate it, why do we perpetuate it?

Dear Ether,

Let me preface this entry with the fact that this post is more of a rant and a spew than my normal writing.  It’s a bit stream of consciousness and slightly all-over-the-place.  I needed a forum to explode so with that in mind, forgive some of the speed bumps ahead.  But as usual, your support and comments always make a difference and I look forward to hearing your opinions. X

Hollywood is a whole different beast to London—especially journalistically.  The red carpet here is filled with angry and competitive reporters who have formed a clique and don’t appreciate the new girl on the block.  I happen to represent a really good title and these other girls don’t—they are working for tabloids—and that is exactly the way they behave: cheap and tacky. 

On Thursday I had a journalists nightmare.  My Editor and I spoke on the phone and she told me rumors had spread that I was piggybacking off of other journalists interviews on the carpet, asking for celebs details on the carpet and pushing PR’s for goodie bags—all NOT TRUE.  It was humiliating, hurtful, mean and so spiteful.  I thought I was doing a really good job and was actually calling my Ed to ask for more responsibility and then she dropped this on me.  She was really supportive and said that these people have done this to many of her reporters in the past.  That they want your job and that this is a small, incestuous town.  But the worst thing is, I DIDN’T DO ANY OF IT.  And what was particularly embarrassing was that it wasn’t only my Editor that new about it but other important people on the magazine as well. 

I don’t know who would take the time to make up stories about me, call the magazine and try and get me in trouble.  And my Editor told me it was several people!  I thought it was so mean and petty and cruel.  I know there’s no crying in show business—but I began to because I was gutted that I had worked so hard and that no matter how hard I defended myself, this was still going to reign in the back of my co-workers minds.  And—because I didn’t know who ratted on me, I can’t protect myself next time I go out there so I feel very paranoid.  I’m normally quite boisterous on the carpet—I’m afraid I’m going to be in a shell.

This happening,  and the drink being drugged,  MR. X, and my lovely shoe gal (but her awful name dropping friends)—I just can’t stand it anymore.  I need out.  But where am I going to go?  I have no more connections in the magazine biz in London which is a shame because I love writing that style (and frankly, I think it might be the wrong field for me—the women can be so harsh and I tend to have a thin skin).  I’m going to be 30, on no ladder, with no friends, no flat, and a broken net because of the damage done by staying with my family in Los Angeles.  And my relationship with English gent is a mess too.  

Is there something wrong with me? Why don’t I fit in anywhere?  Why are people making up lies about me?  Why are people so callous?  And frankly, my idea of a good night is not standing on a red carpet with a bunch of other cut-throat journalists who are fame hungry.  I couldn’t give a rat’s ass if a person is a celeb or not, I just want to do my job.  Please don’t think I’m not grateful to be working.  I AM.  I am damned lucky in this recession to be given this opportunity to work with a top magazine.  It’s not the magazine I’m angry with, it’s the people who are my secret enemies—people who don’t even have the balls to show me their face and approach me if they have a problem.  In short: pussies.

I want to write.  Thank god I have One of 365.  But I’m not a little kid anymore.  I’m a grown-up (can’t believe it) and I need a career.  I want to come home tired, but at least proud of my day.  I don’t want phone calls from Editors telling me some bitches called about me with lies.  I felt like I was 17 again and it was High School and I was being reprimanded by the principal.  I feel past that. 

If I move back to London, I suppose it’s back to flat-hunting on The Gumtree, temping or freelancing, and trying to remember who I cut ties with and who I can call for help. It’ll still be rainy, and people will still slam into me at the Tube station and I’ll stick out because I’m American.  And If I move to NYC, all my savings will be eaten up because of the recession.  And when I lived there, people were just as bitchy as they were in Los Angeles. 

Anyway, this is what I wrote in my defense to the accusations (and please remember, my Ed was really supportive).  There have been edit’s of course to protect identities. 

Dear XXXX,

1. I have NEVER piggybacked on ANYONE’S interview.  This is a cruel, made-up lie that someone is either extremely paranoid about or just wanted to sock it to me.  I always write XXXX  if I “group interview” and have never stolen a quote from another reporter.  I have been a victim of being piggybacked and have never been petty enough to report this.  Shame on whomever spat out this B.S. 

2. When I worked in London I received gifts bags daily.  They ranged from Burberry handbags and opulent hampers from Fortnum and Mason to gift vouchers to Harvey Nichols for 500 pounds.  I received beauty products that were worth more than some people’s car payment’s and was flown out to lush spas. I most certainly would NEVER have been chomping at the bit for (excuse me) the “rubbish” gift bags they give in Los Angeles which consist of take-away menus, bottled water and maybe a hand-lotion.  Again, that is a ridiculous and cruel rumor someone made up to humiliate me and make me seem petty. 

3. Finally, as for the e-mail exchange.  There are 2 incidents where this happened.  I forgot to tell XXXX about the 2nd.  The first was with XXXXX who I had met the night before and then met again coincidentally the next night in a row at the XXXX gala.  She and I got chatting and it turns out she and I have a mutual friend (my college roommate from XXXX in XXX).  We exchanged e-mails.  The second XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. 

So that folks, is my defense.  I hope this never happens again—but of course, I don’t know who my hunter is so I’m out there as fresh and easy prey.  That’s L.A. for you.  I’ve known it since I was a conscious human being—this city isn’t me.  I mean, as grown-up women, we still lie and tattle on each-other? C ‘mon! Shaking Julie Robert’s hand isn’t that important to me if the price is humiliation and degradation.  At the end of the day I’m a writer, not a star-fucker. 

Dedicatedly Yours,

—One of 365

Dear Ether,

People seemed to really like some examples of some beauty writing that I’ve done in the past.  Well, I just had a freelancing gig and wrote for a pretty famous company (hence the XXX when you see them in the writing below) about shaving and self-tanners.  I worked with the advertising and promotions teams to create an advertising page for the magazine promoting  2 beauty products.  Basically a magazine and a brand will work together to get a product(s) promoted without making it too obvious by having it mesh with the editorial feel of the magazine.  You’ll usually see in the upper-right hand corner of the page, “Advertisement.”  But if you can pull it off, sometimes you can get the reader to think it’s part of the mag and that’s when you can really hit home and maybe get the sell.  I did this for two brands.  “Billy Jealousy,” a shaving product and “Mystic Tan,” a self-tanning product.  You’ll see how I write the pieces as if they are 100% editorial, but I am promoting their products ONLY.  Clever, eh?  This was for one pretty famous beauty supplier who was advertising in a mag.  So here you go and enjoy.  I think it’s fun and I enjoyed writing it.  And, you do learn about self-tanning and shaving.  It is, in theory,  really and editorial piece.  I just used specific brands rather than brands of my own choosing.  It’s amazing how many elements go in to making a magazine, right?  Anywhooooo…the fun part is when you see it laid out.  Have a great Sunday and I will see you for the “Wish List” tomorrow.

Dedicatedly yours,

—One of 365

Self-Tanners: 

Mystic Tan's Perfect Tan Kit, $54, Sephora.com

Self-tanning has always been tricky.  When the first products came on the market we were left with a radioactive tangerine tint that made us look more George Hamilton than groovin’ with a J-Lo glow.  But since those “dark days,” products have evolved.  Cutting- edge brands like Mystic Tan have given natural-looking hues to almost 200 million people.  XXXX is delighted to carry Mystic Tan’s new luxe line of DIY products that have revolutionized the self-tanning world.  Their collection includes the Perfect Tan Kit Body, Perfect Tan Kit Face, Sunless Tanning Spray Face and Body, Sunless Enhancing Moisturizer Body and Shimmer Face.  [Pssst!] If you’ve ever envied Jessica Simpson’s golden skin, Mystic Tan is her secret.

But no matter how “golden” the self-tanner becomes, the application process is not always fail-safe.  So…Welcome to Self-tanner 101!  

The first step for any self-tanning guru is exfoliation.  Removing dead skin cells is key because you don’t want dry zones like knees and elbows to collect tanner and make the product appear dark, muddy and uneven. Now, here comes the fun part…the application!  But be wary.  Many of us have earned the Scarlet Letter of self-tanners: discolored palms (the true sign of a novice).  A helpful hint: Use latex gloves for application.  Worried about having white hands?  Problem solved. All you need to do is rub the backs of your palms with self-tanner in a clockwise direction.  Works every time!  

Okay. Body exfoliated?  Latex gloves snapped on?  You’re ready!  Believe it or not, this is the easy part.  Using gentle, long strokes, apply the tanner as evenly as possible along your skin.  A great tip is to add a dollop of moisturizer to the tanner, making the product a bit more malleable and therefore easier to apply.  This is also excellent for tan enhancement, because it helps saturate the color into your skin.   

So you’ve tanned yourself, and you’re wondering, “what now?”  Well, don’t allow your skin to get near water for at least 4 hours.  Also, this stuff can stain!  If you’re planning to throw on that white Prada maxi-dress right away, that’s a huge no-no.  

If you have the time to tan and set during the day, more power to you.  But the ideal time is just before you turn in for the night.  Then you can shower off the residual product in the morning.  (To protect your sheets, wear a scruffy pair of old pj’s.)  This is ideal because you maximize the amount of tan time allowing, for the deepest color possible, and you don’t have to worry that any of the above uh-oh’s will happen.  

So now that you’re tan and gorgeous, all you have to do is maintain your new radiance.  Moisturizing is key, because it keeps skin from sloughing off and also prolongs your beautiful bronze.  Use Mystic Tan’s Sunless Enhancing Moisturizer Body that provides offers a subtle amount of color while keeping skin hydrated.  

(Okay. That’s it.) You glow, girl! 

Shaving: 

Billy Jealousy Hydroplane Super-Slick Shave Cream $20 sephora.com

We all—men and women alike– have nightmare stories about shaving. Many a prom night photo has been ruined by guys with Band-Aids slapped over razor burns.  And surely there have been countless summer BBQ’s where girls showed up in pants instead of cute new dresses because they had a shaving fiasco.  

The simple fact is we didn’t have the “cutting-edge” razors that populate the market today–razors with names that sound like launch vehicles designed by NASA!  Well, we’ve come a long way from that scary man in the barbershop wielding a straight edge blade, a leather strop and a shaky hand.  What’s so exciting about this razor revolution are all the brilliant products that have arrived to help us in the fine art of shaving. Creams, waxes, oils, foams—even lasers! 

XXXX’s team of specialists is always on hand to help you select the shaving option that’s perfect for you (and we’ve got quite a selection).  And now we’ve found something genuinely unique that’s going to make any shaving aficionado “jealous.”  Hint: it also won Best Shaving Cream at Esquire’s 2007 Grooming Awards.   Oh, and George Clooney is a fan.  Care to read on? 

Hydroplane, by Billy Jealousy, is a foamless shave cream that lubricates the skin to give you the closest shave possible while also protecting against razor burn, nicks, bumps and ingrown hairs.  A little goes a long way with this 8oz. bottle, because it miraculously gets slicker and more powerful as you add warm water to it.  As we all know–ouch!–shaving can leave a burning sensation but Hydroplane provides a pleasant cooling effect as it performs its magic.  The formula includes micro-silicon beads that have a slight exfoliation action–also fantastic for an ultra-soft finish because it sloughs off dead skin cells.  And with chamomile and aloe to keep skin calm and humectants to preserve moisture, it’ll give you the happiest skin on the planet.  Because Hydroplane is perfect for every skin type, all you have to do is massage onto face, shave, and rinse with cool water.  And, because it’s such a smooth product, women are grabbing it off the shelves after rave reviews from the men in their lives.  Hey, if a guy can steal your shampoo and conditioner, why can’t you steal his shaving cream? 

XXXXXX’s Tick List: Do’s and Don’ts of Shaving  

1. Always shave with warm water.  The best time is after a steaming, hot shower.  Or, ladies, a great time to shave is IN a steaming, hot shower!
2. Make sure you have a sharp blade.  Dull blades are going to tear skin, cause ingrown hairs and create razor burn.
3. Never shave against the grain (even though we’re tempted because we think we’re getting a closer and quicker shave: we’re actually causing small cuts to the skin that could lead to infection and ingrown hairs).
4. When you’re finished shaving, always rinse with cool water.  This closes the pores and calms the skin.
5. Moisturize! Use an after-shave balm, lotion or cream and avoid anything alcohol based (unless you want to encourage burning!).
6. Don’t be cheap!  Sometimes things are worth spending a little extra money on.  That bag of 100 razors for 99 cents is priced that way for a reason.  Invest in a quality razor and a well-researched product.

Dear Ether,

To keep on truckin’ with the beauty front, I’m going to insert a write-up I did on one of my favorite make-up must-haves for a page I did for a women’s magazine. I dunno, it felt so good to be writing about beauty again yesterday (Beauty Trend: Say “Da” For Russia!), I thought I’d go with the flow and finish the week with another fun one (tomorrow is “Fashion Friday’s” so technically the week ends then). I’d been looking at my sidebar and noticed that I had written so few things about beauty and thought it was really funny given I’m a beauty writer.  I guess I was so convinced that when I started this blog I was going to keep my day job out of things.  But you know what, I really love what I do and I’m going to try and include it more because it’s such a part of me.  Also, because I’m not writing beauty every single day like I used to, when I DO write about it, I’m reminded about how much I miss it.  So, this is short and sweet.  Really stylized and written in SUCH a women’s magazine format.  Reading it again I can’t help but laugh!  Okay, here’s a fun little piece on a favorite product of mine:

                                             Beauty Artillery                                                                                            

  Mission: Killer Eyes                   Weapon: Mac Eye Kohl “Smolder”

Be armed and dangerous ladies! Here is the sexiest secret in town. I think I've come across dozens of pencils in my day and NOTHING has even come close to a black liner like "Smolder." I always make sure to own at least 2 (1 for the kit at home and 1 for the on-the-go bag). If you wanna make those eyes stand out, there really is no better solution. Lock and load baby!

In this Lipstick Jungle, a poorly tinted lip “bomb” can ruin even the most vibrant pucker.  So, like a good soldier, you need to be armed with the right weapons to ensure that you’re ready for battle.  I mean, who wants to be taken captive by the wrong blush, powder or foundation?  Not you, my cute recruit.  Not you.  So listen up.  I have a little item that will keep you ready for action anytime.  

Mac Eye Kohl in “Smolder” (even the moniker is badass) takes your eyes from innocent peepers to sexy sleepers.  And, F-Y-Eye, even as far back as the Bronze Age, Egyptian queens applied Kohl not just to glam up their orbs, but also to ward off the sun’s glare.  To protect and to serve, right?  Old Cleopatra sure knew her stuff.  

“Smolder” is my chosen war paint because it’s the essential frame for your eye.  The consistency of the product is slick, and it glides on easily, making straight lines a snap (especially if you’ve got those pre-date jitters).  Kohl   is also a better alternative to a standard pencil because of its smudge-ability.  If you want that smoky-eyed, sultry look, this is one product worth fighting for.   

Mac offers the pencil in a variety of colors. It’s also ophthalmologist tested.  Visit their website at www.maccosmetics.com for more details.  Mac Eye Kohl “Smolder” $14.50 

Awwww, wasn’t that a bit of fun?  I love writing product write-ups for mags because you can totally be tongue and cheek, be a bit silly and go nuts with wordplay.  Sniffle.  I REALLY miss my 9-5.  Okay gang.  See you for “Fashion Fridays.”  I don’t know what I’m cooking up yet to wear, but hopefully it’ll be something fab. I better start thinking of a story now.  I’m debating putting a poll up—sigh—I think it might be a pointless endeavor.  But I hate to give in.  I’ve begged, pleaded.  But alas, no one will click a little button and VOTE!  I always think, “maybe this week they will.”  But always to my chagrin.  (Smile) We’ll see….

Dedicatedly yours, 

—One of 365

"An editor is someone who separates the wheat from the chaff and then prints the chaff." ~Adlai Stevenson, as quoted in "You Said a Mouthful" edited by Ronald D. Fuchs

Dear Ether, 

Yesterday was the crowning achievement of the bizarre in terms of meetings that I’ve had in my life.  I’ve had people critique and compliment my work for many reasons.  The best is when you get constructive criticism from someone in your field that you admire because at the end of the day you are always striving to perfect your craft.  Any tid-bit you pick up off of a seasoned writer is always a gift.  However yesterday well, yesterday was, for lack of a better word, (I didn’t even bother with the thesaurus for this one) nuts.  

I had submitted some freelance work for a major publication and was having brunch with the Managing Editor to go over my work for the potential position as the new beauty blogger for their up and coming site (which has been delayed a billion times—but at least I’m in the running if and when it DOES happen).  I had been asked to write about 1 beauty product I couldn’t live without, and 3 short pieces on random beauty pieces (spas, products etc…).  Now, having written for women’s magazines for the bulk of my career (actually, the whole of my career) I’ve adapted a certain tone for my writing.  I’m not saying it is the most sophisticated voice, but the Managing Editor had specifically chosen me because she wanted a younger tone to the blog.  She felt the publication was very staid and since this was the Web, it should be more youthful.  So I wrote using the typical word play and upbeat voice that she seemed to glow about from my portfolio and I thought it was a really good submission based on what she and I had discussed.

Now, Ethers, I ALWAYS expect critique.  I never go into a meeting ever expecting an Editor to say, “yep, perfection.”  I always expect something to be re-written, chopped and changed or tweaked.  It would be silly and hubris filled to think that I was a perfect writer.  I mean, even Dickens was given notes from his Editors. But this reaction, THIS I have never heard.  She said, “I think you gave this 200% and put too much effort into it.  I think you need to not work as hard.  I think you gave it to much of your time.”  Now, at first I thought she meant that the piece seemed forced.  But when I asked her, she simply said, “no, it just is too much of a good thing.  We don’t need it to be so, well, good.”  I was in shock.  She asked me to deaden the piece, re-write it and put it in a more monotone voice.  I felt confused, very nervous (you never want to let down an Editor or feel like you don’t get the vibe of the gig) and threatened that I was going to lose this potential opportunity.  I also was worried about my ability to provide what she wanted—to deliver.  It’s like asking someone to sing off-key.  It’s really hard and awkward.  I walked away from the meeting feeling really odd, shaken and unnerved.  I wrote her a very polite thank-you note and told her I’d have the copy by end of day (Wednesday).  She happily replied and told me not to worry, if she thought it wasn’t workable with and I wasn’t up for the task, she wouldn’t have given me a second chance.  A second chance!!!! To write WELL?  OY VAY! 

So, my job today is to dig a grave and place my work in it and then send the headstone to this Editor.  I just can’t seem to win in this town.  I’m hating Los Angeles more and more everyday.  I feel so stuck.  I feel like my work isn’t hitting the mark.  I can’t get the kind of work I want.  I just don’t feel like I fit it—even my voice is wrong.  I dunno.  Did I have the right voice in England?  I remember Editor’s telling me to “write less American.”  I feel like I just don’t belong anywhere and this is when I feel like putting on the fan, getting under the duvet and crying.  I know—a writer needs to take criticism and have a thick skin.  To not take it personally.  But, at the end of the day how the hell can you not?  I know great writers laugh at their critics—and man, I wanna laugh my ass off—and I’m attempting to do that with this blog, but jesus, some things in life just don’t make sense.  When the hell am I gonna get a break?  Look, I’m not saying I can’t hack it.  It’s just the culmination of not getting anywhere right now—and when I think I’m on the crux of something—it all goes to shit. 

Anyway, I better go.  I have to go and engrave the headstone that’s my revision.  Shall I send the piece in a hearse? 

Dedicatedly yours,

—One of 365

PS: Since my post, this lovely gentleman has offered to courier my writing in this beautiful coach. I think he looks rather elegant in his tux and the vehicle is a nice shade of funeral matte black--perfect for what I am submitting! If I'm gonna go down, I'm doing it in style. R.I.P. (with love, of course!)