Dear Ether,

I’ve never been a fan of seeing a dog in a more expensive coat than I own.  I’ve never thought it was cute watching a maltipoo trot down the street wearing a ballerina outfit with a nicer manicure than I could afford.  Oh god, and the LV carrying cases that these little animals get schlepped around in!  I can’t believe the waste of such fine Italian leather.  And here’s the catch—I’m a dog lover.  And maybe BECAUSE I’m a dog lover, I really see this as a travesty because I know if these dogs could see what they looked like (well, comprehend it) they would be humiliated.  I know “dog parents” mean well.  I really do. But when you’ve seen a chihuahua in a stroller and a poodle with braces like I have—you just can’t help feeling somewhat jaded by the whole thing.

I got an E-mail from Ralph Lauren announcing their Fall sale.  Curious, as I always am for a bargain, I clicked on the link to peruse.  Out of the corner of my eye I saw a poor creature dressed in a fucking rugby shirt and another one in a puffer jacket—-with a hood.  WHAT!  I had to see what else Mr. Lauren had on offer. Loads.  Alligator collars for $500.  Shearling jackets.  Oh, you could even snag for your loved one a little Ralph Lauren sweater with the Polo insignia crocheted into the back in bright orange–very understated.

I know there are women who live on Park Avenue who never had children and this feeds their fancy.  Or, women who DO have children and want the dog to blend right into the family.  There are also chavs who love their labels and MAN this is a great way to make their little one look as “pucka’” as they do.  So, I’ve decided to allow you to make the decision for yourself.  To maybe prove me wrong.  Here are the photos from the site.  Tell me what you think?

Me?  Well, I’m sure the title of this entry tells all.  But if you think the kit is Bow-WOWZA and I am nuts to think it is WOOF….then lemme know.  Hey, every dog has its day……of reckoning.

Dedicatedly yours,

—One of 365

Dear Ether,

Well, Well, Well.  Just when you thought I’d given up on Fashion Fridays……….but they’re baaaaaaaaaaack!  You know, I’ve been so busy with other topics.  My dad’s results came in on a Friday.  I needed advice from you guys on a Friday.  It seemed that the end of the week was just a dire day that needed serious attention. But, I realize that I’ve neglected a very fun part of One of 365.  So for all of your fashionista Ethers, here’s a little clothing pizzaz to start your weekend.

I didn’t choose anything too nuts.  I wanted to snap a look that I love dearly and I’ve worn with staples you’ve seen before.  I wanted the garment to speak for itself with the other accessories to act as a canvas to let it shine.  I love this dress.  It’s beyond comfortable, beautifully made, smartly constructed, uniquely designed, youthful and sleek.  You can also dress it up or down.  Even better, it doesn’t show your gut if you’ve just wolfed down a burger and fries (and in my case, half a cake!).

Here’s the story behind it.  I worked as head of copy and content for lifestyle, fashion and beauty for a very famous UK department store website.  They had the most unbelievable discount.  We had two different types of deals.  One deal was we had a yearly allowance of 1,200 pounds worth of uniform at 50% off.  Now, for the shop floor folks that only meant black shoes or a suit.  But, since we were the creatives and had manager status on our cards, we could B.S. a bit.  The icing on the cake was that we also got 50% off 1 bag and 1 coat.  Nice!  But the best thing was our discount could be used towards sale items too.  So you can imagine the deals we got during Christmas and July.  The other general discount was 33% off almost anything in the store.  AND…sometimes they would give us an extra 10% off day making the total 43%!!!  Oh yeah….beyond killer.  Most of my paycheck went back into the shop which I think might have been their evil plan  Needless to say, most of my lunch breaks consisted of shopping and trying to score deals.

This dress totally wasn’t what anyone would consider uniform.  But, as I was a creative and manager, I gave a huge smile and sweet talked the head of sales of that department.  The dress was originally 200 pounds, marked down to 100 pounds and I paid 50 because of my discount.  FAB!  I’ll one day share with you my many goodies that I got from this amazing department store.  And there are so many regrets (oh why, oh why did I pass up that amazing Vivienne Westwood skirt suit for 200 pounds that was originally a grand!!!).  But here we are on Fashion Fridays enjoying one of my many delights that I got working in London.  I know you want to hear more…you’ll die when I tell you what I paid for my YSL Muse bag

Happy Friday Ethers and thanks for hanging out at the ol’ blog.

Dedicatedly yours,

—One of 365

I reckon this would look great on any figure. And you see the Falke tights that I have worn a zillion times (and keep pushing you to buy) and my KG's (best buy EVER). I think this is a whimsical, fashionable piece that really stands out. I get compliments when I wear it out because it doesn't look like any ol' dress.

Here it is splayed out in its full glory. It's made of silk and I love that the sheer fabric pattern matches the crocheted swans on the chest. So clever and a perfect touch to make this a really special piece. I think it's the little details from the designer to match things like fabrics which make pieces stand-out and feel very bespoke. Swan Silk Dress, Desiyah, 50 Pounds, Famous UK Department Store, London

Just in case you couldn't see the fabric patterns matching in different textiles, I thought I'd take a photo that captured the detail. I think it really is what makes it so special and worth you noticing. Pretty nifty, no?

I’m not going to insert the KG heels or the Falke tights as I’ve put them in so many Fashion Fridays it would be redundant.  If you have NOT seen them before, feel free to click on the sidebar where the categories are. You’ll find them listed there.  You can get the prices and my style thoughts about them. But, I will say, they are two of my favorite pieces because they go with everything and elongate the legs.

Yeah. This was a repeated nightmare for me every time I went to sleep at night and had a temp gig the next day. I thought I was going to be throttled by my boss. I was the PA from hell and all I could say was "Fuck!"

Dear Ether,

“Errrrm, can you repeat that for me again?”  I think I must have said that at least 15 times a day when I answered the phone. I was working as a temp for a very important VP for a marketing firm in London.  I had enough trouble pronouncing HIS surname (and was too afraid to ask him for the 100^th time to correct me) and felt like I should be wearing the tallest dunce cap in the building.

I began temping while I was writing my dissertation for my Master’s.  I didn’t need to travel into Uni any longer so I was able to work during the day and write at night.  PA work paid the best and because of my typing speed and my “lovely disposition” I was the perfect candidate for the gig.  The only problem was I stank at it.

I couldn’t make coffee (instant included) for the life of me.  My hand trembled so much when I presented the java to the folks in meetings there was more of the stuff on the saucers than there was in their cups.  And tea!  Forget it!  I would always turn crimson with an apology saying that we Yanks were rubbish at making the stuff and beware of the hemlock that was to come.  I couldn’t figure out the phone systems and would disconnect people—like the CEO.  I couldn’t even get tasks like photocopying right.  The damned thing would always jam when I tried to use it and it would take me 20 minutes to make one Xerox which I’m sure made my boss wonder where the hell I’d been.  Oh, and forget ever booking a meeting room correctly.  Ha!  If you wanted Room A, you’d always get Room B at the wrong time and in the year 2013.  And as I wrote above, not only could I never understand anyone on the phone, I was so flustered to get their name correct, I often forgot to take down their details.  I was the temp from hell.  Every Friday I would, with a huge lump in my throat, go into the office of whomever I was working for, and ask them to sign my timesheet.  I knew I didn’t deserve the cash—except that I had shown up on time and sat there for 8 hours.  I caused far more calamity than I did calm.

One time a gentleman called and I asked his name.  Forgive my spelling (I’ll do my best) but he said, “Rude Wank.”  I couldn’t believe it.  There was silence on the phone.  How was I going to tell my boss that a guy named Rude Wank needed to chat with him? I was so worried that I got the name wrong AGAIN and was going to go in there and make a fool of myself that I was almost inclined to forget about the message, but Mr. Wank said it was urgent.  This was the piest de la resistance.  I knew that fucking this up would be my utter downfall.  I walked into his office, and bless him, the poor bloke never gave me a hideous glare (though he was pleased to hear that I didn’t intend on making a career out of being a PA) and being the immature idiot that I was, entered like a bumbling schmuck.  “Uhh…yeah..I….ummm…just got…errr….this call….oh man……Rude Wank…..he said it was urgent.”  “Who called?” he asked.  Fuck me….I knew that was it.  I was going to back out of the room like he was Elizabeth the 1^st and I was a fucking servant and then run like the wind.  “Uh, Rude.  Rude WANK.”  “Blimey.  Okay.  That’s an interesting…well anyway. Thank you.”  It turned out that was a common Dutch name and I’d actually gotten the bloody name right, but jesus, pit stains were never heavier than that day.

The more skills you claimed to have, the more dosh you got.  So, of course I claimed to have many more abilities than I indeed had training in (hey, rent needed to be paid) so I claimed I was a master at Powerpoint, and excelled in, well, Excel!  BIG mistake.  I was called in for a PA gig where my main job was to work with dreaded Excel spreadsheets.  I thought I was computer savvy and could hack it.  Oh my god.  Have you ever tried Excel without testing yourself on it first?  That software is the DEVIL!  I ended up going to IT, begging for mercy about 6 times during the day, buying a lovely woman lunch, and having her do my work for me.  I called my agency that afternoon and told them I was coming down with a cold and couldn’t complete the rest of the week.

But, because none of these polite gents ever complained, I kept getting work!!!!! I couldn’t believe it.  But then D-day happened.  I was sent to a very high-end advertising agency.  I was to be there 2 days.  My job was to help the guy type, type, type.  I was given a hand over for all the typing(ironically with a girl with a missing digit) and she was lovely, but I smelled bad news immediately.  The guy was head of the joint, mean as hell and I was shitting my pants.  The irony of this temp job was that I actually could do it!  Typing was my forte.  But he was scary and mean.  Nothing I did was good enough.  Mr. X was a rotund man with a face that was beet red and he looked liked he was going to keel over from a heart-attack any minute.  His office had a large easel with a beautiful oversized coffee table book of designs that probably cost a fortune.  He also had a very precarious stack of art books that were at least as tall as me (I’m 5’6).  Shaking in my boots, he asked me to come in and put the books away.  They “bothered” him.  Easy right?  I was so scared with him being in the room watching me with his swollen, beady eyes. I took 2 books from the pile, but the balance must have altered and they came crashing down.  FUCK!   There had been a tea and coffee cart there from a previous meeting.  They hit that and it caused the beverages to become like a waterfall in the air landing on his precious book on the easel.  Did I mention his desk looked like Armageddon had come?  His computer was knocked off, his keyboard dangled on its side.  The red laser of his mouse kept flickering for mercy as it swung back and forth like a pendulum.  His tea was all over his desk calendar and paperwork and his trousers were soaked.  This all happened within 1 minute.  I didn’t know what to do.  I kept repeating the words “sorry” and “oh my god,” but he was silent.  And I knew like deadly Vesuvius, silence was going to turn into a violent eruption…and it did.  He screamed bloody murder.  After verbally abusing me for a good two minutes at the top of his lungs, two gentleman from offices next to his came to escort me out.  They told me to go home.  I tried explaining to my agency.  They quietly listened (it really wasn’t my fault!) and told me they’d be in touch.  I never heard from them again.  Truthfully, I could have sought out other recruitment offices to hire me (they are a dime a dozen in London).  But I was SO done with being a PA.  It was hard, not rewarding and I really was horrible at it.

It’s funny.  I’m excellent at very difficult tasks.  Writing under hideous deadlines.  Making a shoot work in impossible situations.  Working with PR’s to get that one of a kind Gucci dress that Vogue wants but I sweet talk them into lending to me.  And if you need to get an interview with a celeb that won’t talk—they are butter in my hands.  But, send me to fax something and I am dumb as rocks.

As I got more advanced in my career, I ended up with a lovely assistant and also girls who I oversaw who answered to me.  I made sure to be beyond kind, patient and to never forget my years as a PA.  That and being a waitress I reckon, are two of the hardest jobs out there (well, besides hard labor).  Being someone else’s brain/Blackberry.  Whoa.  So this is an ode to all of you assistant’s out in the ether.  The ones with the pictures on cork boards and plants on your desks to give something to call your own.  I hear you.  I really do.  And to bosses out there—be more forgiving.  The job may seem easy because they are sweating bullets to make it appear seamless.  But it is an unbelievable undertaking.  Give a holiday bonus.  Give them a gift here and there.  And just say well done every so often.  And if you ever get a temp who stinks like me, pay em’ off for the week and send them home.  You’re better off.  Unless you like having stained trousers, fucked up E-mails and reservations a Cicconi’s in Los Angeles instead of London (LOL!).

Dedicatedly yours,

—One of 365

Dear Ethers,

At this rate this blog is going to cost me a fortune.  I’m running out of clothes for Fashion Fridays and am gonna have to go shopping to make my 52 week quota!!!  Nah…I still have some stuff up my sleeve….but I keep wanting to save the prime outfits for later and I’m starting to sport my just so-so pieces.  It’s not that they aren’t cute, they just aren’t the “wow” ensembles that I put together in my earlier posts.  Next week I am going to don a masterpiece.  I have 7 days to come up with a brilliant ensemble….the pressure!

The dress featured in this post is from a Kiwi designer named Peter Alexander who had a store on Robertson Blvd. in Los Angeles.  I tend to peek in a lot of these shops because Dr. W’s office is on this swanky street.  I get there early and enjoy seeing all the lovely things that I can’t afford.  But sometimes these boutiques have major blowout sales.  I’m lucky because I usually get to them first since I go twice a week and get bargains.  Some of my best deals have happened because of therapy!   Peter Alexander is evidently really famous in Australia and New Zealand and has been trying to make it Stateside.  However, I think it has been to no avail.  His shop came and went so fast I don’t even think the paint was dry on the storefront when they put the final bolts on the door closing it forever.  He’s known for his nightwear.  It’s cutsie pajama’s and bras and underwear.  Truthfully, I thought it was really immature and silly and extremely overpriced.  You know, it was the sort of thing where it has a satin top and bottom pajama set that has Barbie dolls on it for $300. In pink.  Yeah, no way.  BUT.  In his Robertson store he did a special collection of clothing that you could wear in the public that was made from lush materials and was rather understated, elegant and fun.  It was limited edition and beyond expensive.  One day when walking by the shop I noticed a huge red set of numbers saying 90% off everything in the store.  Well, you know me.  I LOVE a deal.  So I went in, whisked past the crappy thongs with Swarovski crystals on the bum (ouch) and hit this rack that no one seemed to care about.  And there it was.  This sweet little dress made of cashmere and silk.  And I paid $50 for it.  It’s nice and warm, but also surprisingly light and you can wear it with tights or sandals.  I love the whimsical star cape that is attached.

As for the Miu Miu’s.  WELL…..those are ancient!  I got those at a Barney’s warehouse sale in the Santa Monica airport hangar which is famous in Los Angeles because women go bananas and fight to the broken acrylic from Dior to Dolce & Gabbana.  I will NEVER go back there, but I did snag these snazzy shoes.  I think they were $85 dollars at least 7 years ago.  They might be a little beaten up, but I still think they are swell.  They remind me of a sleek jester.  Or, a black and white cookie

Anyway, have a lovely Friday and a great weekend and I will speak to you tomorrow about….well, you never know with me, right?

Dedicatedly yours,

—One of 365

God my legs are pasty! They might as well blend in with the doors. Anyway, this is about fashion....not tanning! I like this dress because it's simple, elegant and also youthful. It's a nice play on the LBD with the added cape and I really respect nice fabric so this is an A-Star (HA) for me. I'm wearing it with flats---throw on some heels with this and I reckon it could be a lovely date dress. It's understated with a bit of personality. Because it is made of cashmere, you can slip on a pair of wool tights and wear it more seasonally.

I had to give a back-shot to show you the cape. It isn't that obvious from the front and I thought you should see how sweet it looks from the back. It's made of silk so it floats with every movement.

Here it is! Lovely indeed! It's a really great travel piece because it doesn't wrinkle and the colors are obviously really versatile. But, as I said, so is the style. You can wear it day to night and warm weather to cold. It also has a bit of stretch to it--great for after a big meal

Oldies but goodies! I fought my way through a bloody airport hangar for these suckers. I really like them because they are black and cream and go with everything. They look lovely with jeans, smartening them up a tad. They are so comfy, and just slide right on. The leather has made them get better with age and hey, who doesn't need a bit of Miu Miu in their lives?

"A throne is only a bench covered with velvet." Napoleon Bonaparte (I am not so cynical, but isn't that a great quote! No wonder he had a chip on his shoulder I am very pleased with my bench covered in velvet, thank you very much!)

The RAM on my computer is very pleased.  It’s being filled with wonderful gifts from fellow bloggers who have been kind and generous with their love and thoughts.  The uber-cool Forty Not Out (who has not only a really fab blog that will make you crack a smile with her humor and wicked wit but also, as a fellow blogger, will make you jealous of how good her design taste is—killer header woman!) has given me the “Queen of ALLL Things” award.  From a stylish lady who has pretty damned good taste, I’m taking this as a great sign that I’m still (kinda) hip.  So eat your heart out LIZ!  But, to boot, my best mate on the blogosphere, who has a blog I endlessly rave about, Life, The Universe And All Thats In It, doubly whammied  me and now I can say I am TRULY pretty in pink.  

I’ve said this before when I’ve been lucky enough to be given an award.  The best thing about being recognized by your fellow bloggers is that you know that like-minded and intelligent people, who are out there busting their balls doing exactly what you are trying to do, are giving you a virtual high-five.  It shows that there is no back-stabbing and bitchiness and that we all are rooting for each other.  I wish I was a better supporter when it came to blogging.  I LOVE the girls who I have on my blogroll and I read their entries daily—but often don’t leave a comment—which sucks because I know it makes MY day when THEY do.  So this award is going to reform me.  Knowing that I have this crown, I have a new duty.  To be a better comment leaver–I mean even the Queen takes the time to write you a letter when you turn 100 (well, she signs her bloody name).  But just know that every day I check up on you guys and I really keep up on your worlds.  In fact, I really want to broaden my horizons and make new blog buddies.  An award like this just reminds me about how important this has to be in my  life because blogging is such an integral part of my routine.  

I have no one new to pass this award on to.  I have recently received an award and dedicated it to everyone on my blogroll.  So, this is what I propose to do with my crown.  I want to dedicate this to the millions of bloggers who give their hearts and souls to their keyboards every day, week, month—sometimes never even getting a hit but always persevering because they love writing and have a passion they must express.  From the guy who writes a new chess move on his blog each day to the fashion photographer who posts her photos and  dreams of becoming the next Sartorialist.  Whatever our desires for doing this are, may they prevail and may all of us be around for a long time.

Thank you again for this wonderful recognition and for making me feel truly like a real Monarch of the Web for the day

Dedicatedly yours, 

—One of 365