Dear Ether,

I haven’t had time to do a proper Wish List in forever!  Yes, I have been perusing the Web drooling at collections knowing that by the time I’ll be able to afford these gorgeous clothes, I’ll be too old for them.  And that was what I always adored about my Wish List.  That I could shop and put together an ensemble as if I were ready to slam down that credit card after making my selection.

So, eyebrows knit, concentration at the highest level, I hit the Matthew Williamson website and was blown away by the easy to use and fun virtual closet that lay before me.  Many times I visit high-end designer  sites and they are embedded with so many bells and whistles.  Too much Flash and crazy music.  You can’t even figure out how to navigate the bloody thing and you give up before you even get to see what they have on offer.  I also love that you can copy and paste images allowing you to make a visual tick-list for later consideration.  So many designers have posted their pictures with such high security that you can’t pull pieces that you might want to save on your desktop or share with your friends and ask for advice.  The only crummy thing that Maestro Williamson has done is not posted the prices.  Dun, dun, dun!  We know what that means.  That the goods are so damned pricey they are afraid to show you what they cost for fear of you collapsing right in front of your screen.  They offer you a NYC phone number to call for advice about any frock, but I hate this feature.  I want to have the privacy of working online and cutting out dealing with a pushy sales person.  Bad move Matthew!

Anyway, I wanted to go for something sexy, badass, uber luxe and probably worth a zillion dollars because–fuck—the prices weren’t there so I figured why shouldn’t we live in fantasy land this once?  Matthew Williamson kits out all the cool kids from Sienna Miller to Kate Moss.  This Brit, believe it or not, actually started with some of his first goodies in Marks & Spencer’s in their “Autograph” range……whoa!  Williamson, has actually stayed quite close to his department store grass roots having been part of Designer’s At Debenhams in the UK since 2002 under the name “Butterfly” (his famous insignia) and more recently, by partnering up with a one-off collection with H&M.  In 2006, Williamson took over as Creative Director at Pucci (not surprising as he is known for his brilliant patterns and color palettes, just as Emilio Pucci was).  And, he has a lovely line of fragrance and candles that he launched in 2005.  Not surprising, this 38 year old is a graduate from Central St. Martin’s in London and has now become one of the staple names on the runways today.

So, picture this.  You are out in London.  It is cold, but man have you got the MOST amazing shoes you want to show off and anyway, when you get inside, it’ll be warm.  So sporting a short dress (again, don’t worry, you have a “pimp” coat covering you) you are almost ready to go.  While applying your make-up, you’ve lit a lovely scented candle to get you in a sexy, chilled out mood.  You’ve grabbed your blingalicious, but beyond jealousy-enducing bag, just as you’ve heard the taxi honk its horn.  Damn, you look HOT!  Let’s GO!

Yep. This hugs you in ALL the right places. The pattern is beyond cool with a futuristic/Asian inspired feel. The hand-beading at the chest allows you to forget about the need for jewelery as it's built in! The tulip shaped skirt and the polo neck make the dress architectural in cut (which is on trend). The black band around the waist looks like a belt giving the appearance of a petite ribcage and the sleeves are fitted to elongate the arms. The length is perfectly cut to show off the right amount of leg and the right amount of heel! Lace Jersey Polo Neck Dress-Black Multi, www.matthewwilliamson.com (price upon request)

Yeah. These aren't your ordinary black court shoe. From the platform, to the wings on the side to the hot-pink piping---these are killer heels. Again, these are slightly architectural in design which match the quirkiness of the dress and the heel height will make your legs soar! Nappa Patent Court Shoe-Black www.matthewwillamson.com (price upon request)

These are from the runway....but I thought I'd give you another alternative to the basic black if you really wanted to go wild! I think the blue snakeskin might actually work with the patterns in the dress and certainly the color scheme. These shoes are NOT for the shy violet--though neither is this ensemble. I like that these shoe-boots are a bit more punk-funk and make the dress slightly more daring. Call me crazy! But hey, it's always YOUR choice. Runway Shoe-Boots, No Price or Name.

I'd kill for this bag. Kill! It's sexy, elegant, trendy, youthful, seductive.....it is THE perfect evening bag. I love the shimmering colors and the scales on the shell. The chain in the gunmetal looks very evening---and chains as straps again are on trend. This will go magically with the colors of the dress. LOVE THIS! Hard Evening Acid Python Oval Bag-Blue, www.matthewwilliamson.com (price upon request)

I promised you a ridiculously opulent jacket--well here it is! A fox fur coat fashioned to look like mink, is going to keep you warm and trendy. Typical of Williamson, there are panels of bespoke brocade near the lapels in orange and gold. Curvy, with loads of volume and class, as much as you are going to want to reveal your dead-hot dress---this is going to be a pity to take off. Fox Brocade Coat-Mink, www.matthewwilliamson.com (price upon request)

And finally, just to get you going before the night begins and calm you down after it ends, here is one cool candle from Matthew's extensive collection. With loads of colors and scents, you'll find the one perfect for your groove for the night. I just chose this one because I thought the color looked nice and the name "Dusk" seemed appropriate Matthew Williamson Scented Candles, www.matthewwilliamson.com (price upon request)

What a HUNK! Notice me Charles....me...the girl through the screen...c'mon...you're staring right at me. UGH! You just missed me and caught sight of that Camilla woman. Shame. Now I'm doomed to be a nobody for the rest of my life and you get to play polo and have servants while I get to look for work and earn a pittance but pay 30% taxes so you can travel in a Bentley! BRILLIANT! Oh Charlie. It could have been us.

Dear Ethers,

Tonight I am going to an event where I’m meeting a Prince.  I can’t tell you anything about the red carpet itself (ARGHHH) but that’s not really what the post is about anyway.  It’s about the idea of royalty and a girl who just doesn’t understand the significance of its importance.

For days I’ve been receiving details about security, how to present myself to him when we meet.  Oh and his biography (AKA: a dissertation).  Ethers, you have to remember that I am going to be also interviewing celebrities that would be considered Hollywood royalty—people much more famous and significant than this blue blooded gentleman.  And you know what—all I’ve had to do is IMDB for research–easy.

Growing up as an American I’ve never understood monarchies.  I suppose I understood the tradition, but I never understood the money that they cost and the opulence that they lived in just to do…………what exactly?  I know there are a lot of royalists.  Though having lived in England, it tends to be the older generation that likes the tradition rather than the younger folks.  We just don’t get Liz and Charlie and Hot Ginge and Wills.  Yes, they bring a lot of money in for tourism and that’s great.  But, does that really compensate for the money they cost the taxpayer?  I want to go to China White’s for free and have my Chanel bag stuffed full of 50 pound notes from the taxes of the cleaner on Piccadilly Circus buying me Grey Goose on the rocks all night.  I want my face on porcelain sold in shops around tourist attractions so that people can admire me.  Why…because……well……..why?

I’m not just picking on England.  I just know the monarchy best there.  I really think it’s ALL so ridiculous globally.  I mean, look at the royal families in Saudi Arabia.  They literally have dolphins brought in for parties to be a novelty in their pools where they die afterwards from the chlorine.  They live so opulently, while most of the country is so poor that they wear boiler suits in 100 degree weather fixing roads for $1 an hour.   There are people living in such horrible conditions–in slums and Council Estates.  People who need rehab and don’t have the money.  But, the queen has a “Diamond as Big As The Ritz” that could probably pay for hundreds of her subjects to seek the help they need.  Yet it sits in a vault getting steamed every so often by a royal gem cleaner (another expense) amongst the other masses of jewels she probably doesn’t even know she has.

Monarchies are not today what they were once were.  Elizabeth the 2^nd ain’t no Elizabeth the 1^st and we know it.  So why the hell do we back out of rooms and bow to these old birds?  Why do lords and ladies get estates and benefits that hard-working folks don’t?

So I’ve been instructed that I must curtsy and when introduced say “It is a pleasure to meet you, your Highness.”  I’ve had to practice this several times with a straight face and then without stuttering because I just can’t spit it out.  Classy, right?  It’s wrong of me not to embrace that this is the way this country operates and I have to accept this man for who he is.  I guess running through my veins is the blood of an American with the history of men who signed the Declaration of Independence—a veritable death warrant for a democracy so they could break free from the reigns of a king or a queen.

I know I should be looking at tonight as novel and fun.  And I will—it will all be looked at with a grain of salt.  But in that moment when he comes to me, and I have to curtsy—it will be very serious.  That’s when it becomes real and that’s why this idea came to my mind for a post.

I’m sure a lot of you are going to defend royalty or maybe agree with me about the foolishness of kings and queens.  There are many people who would kill to be in my shoes tonight and would see it as an absolute honor to even touch this mans hands.  I’m just looking at the bigger picture.  The idea of whether or not royalty is a rotting appendage of society.  I’d love to hear your comments and thoughts about this topic.

LOL.  I’m just imagining him showing up in ermine, a crown and shoes with a diamond buckles.  I’m sure he’ll probably be wearing Armani.  Anyway….until then…..I must practice……..so………..how does this sound………….. “It is a pleasure to meet you, your (eeeeeeeeeeek) Highness?”  Not too bad, right?  I hope he doesn’t notice my chewed fingernails.  I have been going through a lot lately.  But I’m only human—and you know what, at the end of the day, DNA-wise, so is he.

Dedicatedly yours,

—One of 365

God Save The Queen---and my teeth!

Dear Ether, 

I think a little bit too much of the English lifestyle has rubbed off on me.  Brits, do not get offended by this stereotype (remember, my partner is English so this gives me some rights to a bit of a rib jab, eh?)  I, who once was so proud of her glittering white clackers, have not been to the dentist in over a year.  This young lady, who grew up with a mother who said, “there are two things you have to look after, your teeth and your feet” have neglected (well, both actually—damn those days of pointed-toe heel trends—bunion brewers!) my stunning American teeth. 

Ohhh, the hours I toiled in that orthodontist chair where he swore to me (the liar) that those braces would be coming off in just one more month (2 years later) and where I brushed for two minutes solid every night and proudly swung my tongue over the clean enamel like a windshield wiper doing its job to perfection. 

The worst thing is I own the Rolls Royce of toothbrushes—a Sonicare that was given to me by Phillips as a press gift.  I have no excuse.  I have the tools (though I do not floss—please don’t start throwing stones at me), so why the hell don’t I face Dr. Z (I won’t mention his real name because he is the epitome of evil.  He is the typical Beverly Hills dentist who thinks he is hilarious, abuses his hygienists, has nose hair like Chewbacca and always dreamed of becoming a screenwriter and blames his father for forcing him to become a dentist.  I believe every tooth he has ever pulled brings him joy for every lost script he never wrote).  

His office calls every month or so with a tsk-tsk and I swear to them that next month I PROMISE that I’ll be there.  Of course I’m lying. 

But here’s what did it for me.  I just saw a picture of myself and was shocked—my teeth didn’t glisten like they used to!  I’m a coffee drinker and an occasional smoker and my infallible teeth were, well, not so infallible.  So, I’ve made Dr. Z’s ladies’ day and booked an appointment.  Oh man!  What will they find?  An old fishing hook?  That missing pen I’ve been looking for?  And the lectures about my gums. Oy Vey! But, I’m not in London anymore—I’m in L.A. baby, and I gotta get this smile lookin’ like a Hollywood grin again or I’ll become a leper. 

Maybe, if I cancel, I’ll just start speaking with a British accent and people will understand.  My goodness, if Kate Moss can be a runway model with those cockeyed crunchers, maybe I can pass?  Sighh…nope, I hold a blue passport, not a lovely maroon one—I gotta face that hideous chair and the horrible “Muzak” they play while being filled in and buffed out (how surreal is it hearing the Beach Boys “Good Vibrations” when they’re using a drill on a filling?). 

Hey, my only solace is that I don’t have to go to an NHS dentist.  Again no offense guys, but the last time I tried that route, some Draconian dude tried pulling out the wrong tooth and told me that my front incisor, that only needed a small filling patch, would have to be replaced completely with silver! As bling-alicious as I may be—that really wasn’t my look—though it would have matched the buckles on my Ferragamo shoes quite nicely! 

Dedicatedly yours,

—One of 365

PS:  I almost forgot (see, I am totally Anglo-FRIED) HAPPY 4^TH O’ JULY!

PPS: “Fashion Fridays” was so much fun for me, but many of you didn’t vote!  Well, just because it’s Saturday doesn’t mean it is too late.  Go for it–lemme know whatcha think.  I’m already planning my theme for next week