This is a Romanov. She is strikingly beautiful. Though she is not the woman whose photograph would later captivate me, when I saw this image of Princess Olga and she took my breath away...I felt she was a good way to convey how I felt the day I DID see the visage of the stranger on the other end of the phone.

Dear Ether,

Somewhere in Odessa there is a photograph of me.  It might be stored away gently in a envelope.  It may be crudely covered in rubble in a dump.  But somewhere…..somewhere in the Ukraine there is a snapshot of me taken when I was in my mid 20’s.

The original keeper of the photo was a woman I never met.  She spoke no English and I no Russian.  My glossy print sat on her mantelpiece for about 5 years in her modest studio flat.  It shared space with images of her grandchildren, husband and daughter and a few tattered black and white photos that survived the war.

English gent is half Russian.  His mother is this woman’s daughter.  To me she was only known as Babushka.

I only spoke to her a few times on the phone.  I muttered foolish statements that English gent had taught me.  “Ya Loo-Bloo Tibia” (I love you).  She laughed with good nature into the phone and repeated. “Ya Loo-Bloo Tibia Tour-Jah” (I love you too).  It felt sad that I was crippled by language and couldn’t communicate with a woman who I knew had a tremendous history and warmth.  I had never been handicapped by language before—in fact, it was something I was so good at.  I always handed over the receiver feeling like a puppet who’d just done her job entertaining.

One day, I asked to see her photograph during a visit to English gent’s house.  His clan are a family of pale, fair-haired, light eyed, slim people.  Babushka was in her twenties in the photo I was shown.  She couldn’t have been more than 5 feet tall.  She had coffee-colored hair and brown pupils. I know it seems crazy, but I felt a sudden closeness to her.  I felt she was from my stock.  That English gent’s genes had all come from his father’s UK side (and even his mother was shockingly fair—she didn’t resemble Babushka at all).  Though I’m much taller, we were both the dark horses.  I asked English gent’s mom if I could send Babushka MY photo.  I felt if that made me feel a connection to her where words couldn’t, maybe my photo could create the same spark.

When she received my photo, Gent told me she cried.  That she “understood.”  She loved my dark looks—and it made her so happy that he was with someone who reminded her of her heritage.  After that, I made sure no longer to be a marionette on the phone but to have a translator and convey true feelings across the line.

But, as we all know, time is a harsh enemy.  And she was not young.  She no longer could speak on the phone or read letters.  And then she died.  When English gent’s mother went to her flat for the last time, she said she noticed my photo immediately.  It stood out more than the others and looked as though it had been fingered the most.  It was slightly dog-eared and had many fingerprints on its finish.  I like to think that she passed it around for many to see.  By the time Gent’s mom came back to clean the flat, the mantle had been tidied and to this day, those pictures have never resurfaced.

Though we never got to know each other, when we looked into one another’s eyes from so far away, we had an understanding.  I often wonder what my photo got to see in her little flat?  I wonder what aromas surrounded it as she cooked her traditional meals?

Wherever I am in Odessa, decaying in a landfill or safe in a drawer, at least I can say for a moment in time a picture spoke a thousand words for both of us.

Dedicatedly yours,

—One of 365

Blecchhh. Tell me about it, Banksy.

Dear Ether,

4 days of rain the forecast.  Yep.  Dark days ahead.  As you know, I suffer from terrible seasonal affective disorder and the dark, wet skies aren’t going to make things pleasant.  These are the days that I wonder what the point of being in “sunny California” is?  Yeah, yeah.  I know I can’t have good weather all year round, but when it rains here, I find this place to have very few endearing qualities.  

When it starts to hit heavy, I tend to put on Bach, light a candle and stay under the covers.  But, I have a serious deadline for a huge feature due on Monday.  The feature is on a subject that’s–well–let’s just say it isn’t rocket science.  Yet, it requires a ton of accurate research and pressure and when you can’t stand the subject you’re writing about, it becomes utter agony. This, coupled with the weather is gonna be a toughie to pull off.

I’ll try not to be a miserable git.  I can’t promise the happiest of posts, but hopefully you guys will act as a nice break from the monotony of writing about a certain brand of shoes that are anything but glamorous.   In fact, I’d like to give this article the “boot.”  

To all my fellow Jewish friends, Hanukkah starts tomorrow!  Awwww, how lovely.  So, for those of you who get there before I do (living in a different time zone) spin a dreidel for me and eat a tasty latke!  

Not much to this entry.  Just wanted to check in and let you know I still had a pulse.  I’m exhausted from doing research and speaking to “experts” about vacuous things.  I’m hoping my next assignment will be a nice reward–a piece with some depth to make up for this moronic topic.  Hey, you win some, you lose some.  For example, my book feature comes out this Sunday.  Can’t wait!  I wrote over 2,500 words and reviewed 14 books (hey, I got attached and couldn’t choose!). My Editor told me 3 books would be cut (sniffle).  I wait with SERIOUS angst to see which ones got sliced (again, major attachment issues).  After the bad boy is published I’ll tell you what books I recommended (really fab and unique stuff that is tick list worthy for gifts!).  

A more boisterous post tomorrow I hope.

YAWWWWN! STREEEETCH!  (I think I just felt my Quasimodo lump snap!) 

Time to hit the hay a bit early.  Guten Nacht gang.  I begin early tomorrow (and you KNOW how much I love to rise and shine).

PS: Sorry I haven’t Tweeted in a while.  Will be back on form once this fucking piece is done!  I’m also trying my best with comments.  Do be patient…please

Dedicatedly yours,

—One of 365

And it wasn't because we didn't pay our electric bill........

Dear Ether, 

August 2003.  New York City.  I’m living in Manhattan with the Big Apple Beauty until yet another one of my visas is approved for England.  It is SWELTERING outside.  And in the East Coast of the United States in August that usually also means humidity—like the bloody AMAZON!  It’s like an unremitting furnace.  Big Apple Beauty, thank goodness, had air-conditioning in good ol’ #1403. 

We had made plans that day to go to the Lower East side (we lived on the Upper East side—-the total opposite end of the city) to go and get a delicious deli lunch, visit the famous pickle lady who sells the best sours out of a barrel on the street (you could die from palette joy!).  We also wanted to check out some of the groovy shops and funky new cafes that had been opening up down there.  Both of us had been complaining that we were SO lazy and unmotivated.  That we always made plans and never stuck to them.  We had made this date over a week a go, and rain or shine (and what shine it was) we were going to schlep down there and keep to our schedule.  I wore a nice vest-top, skirt and refined flip-flops with a heel and she wore trousers and a T-shirt and sneakers.  We were set to go.  The second we stepped out, we were soaked.  I mean, thank GOD for deodorant.  But we marched to that Subway station, and dammit, we made it. 

We poked our head into some cute boutiques and then got completely waylaid by this famous bra shop.  The shop, owned by an Orthodox Jewish couple, was known for brand name underwires for bargain prices.  AND, the wife could take one look at your boobs and tell you what bra size you should be wearing and type you needed.  Basically, a really ghetto Rigby & Pellar.  The store was a total dive, had no air-con and Big Apple Beauty and I were sweating while a stranger fondled our breasts.  It was…..errr…..charming to say the least.  But hey, anything for a deal, right? 

Pleased with out new over the should boulder holders, we walked out onto the street and noticed proprietors of shops standing outside of their properties and people rushing to grab taxis.  It looked like Armageddon.  We went up to a shopkeeper and asked what was going on and he told us that the whole city had lost power.  Too many people had overused air-conditioning and busted the system.  Shit.  Okay.  That meant it was going to be sweltering in the apartment, and we didn’t have a fan, but it’d get fixed soon enough.  All we had to do was hop on a bus and get home.  OH.  RIGHT.  The city was in a deadlock.  The streets were filled with people walking and no cars or buses could pass.  The Subways were dead because of loss of electricity.  You have to remember we were at least a 2-hour walk away in bad shoes, horrible heat and in with a mass of other desperate people.  The worst part was that convenient store owners who had cold water hiked up prices to $5 a bottle.  People were fainting on the sidewalk.  It was hideous.  Big Apple Beauty, no youngster, often felt lightheaded.  We’d hop on a bus—packed to the limit—just to have a break and some air-conditioning.  The bus, of course, wasn’t moving. 

I’d say we left the Lower East side at around 4pm and didn’t get to the Upper East side until at least 7pm.  At that point our feet were bloody and blistered.  Big Apple Beauty couldn’t take her shoes off because they had swollen so badly.  To make things worse, we were really badly dehydrated.  You have to remember, we NEVER ventured that far EVER.  Of all the luck.  The day we get motivated, and look at our reward! It was really eerie seeing the city, one so famous for its skyline, pitch black.  The heat did not cease, so we sat by the East River to try and get some of the breeze.  All you saw were candles flickering all around.  It looked like it must have done during the 19^th century. 

Of course none of the lifts worked in her building, and she lived on the 14^th floor, so we had to walk with a doorman and a torch up steep steps in a narrow corridor which was a heat trap.  By the time we reached the apartment we both were so sick.  The water had been turned off, so no showers to get rid of the sweat and using the toilet was dangerous!  We only opened the fridge when necessary and we sat listening to a radio dripping wet in her stuffy apartment looking out of the window seeing a million other people with candlelit flats doing the same thing.  Eventually the power came back to certain areas, but not until very late in the evening.  There were many people (elderly mainly) who had perished.  It was the worst blackout since 1977—and even then it wasn’t as bad as in 2003. 

I don’t wear that bra anymore.  But when I did wear it, man, it was like a badge of honor.  I earned that sucker.  Big Apple Beauty and I swear, no matter how tempting the pickles are or the lingerie bargains may be, we can’t imagine going down to the Lower East side again.  That place was literally hell…actually…probably hotter than. 

Dedicatedly yours, 

—One of 365

Not the bra I got from the joint in the Lower East side.....but this million dollar baby made of diamonds is how I think of it when I look back on how much it cost me to get it!

Dear Ether,

People seemed to really like some examples of some beauty writing that I’ve done in the past.  Well, I just had a freelancing gig and wrote for a pretty famous company (hence the XXX when you see them in the writing below) about shaving and self-tanners.  I worked with the advertising and promotions teams to create an advertising page for the magazine promoting  2 beauty products.  Basically a magazine and a brand will work together to get a product(s) promoted without making it too obvious by having it mesh with the editorial feel of the magazine.  You’ll usually see in the upper-right hand corner of the page, “Advertisement.”  But if you can pull it off, sometimes you can get the reader to think it’s part of the mag and that’s when you can really hit home and maybe get the sell.  I did this for two brands.  “Billy Jealousy,” a shaving product and “Mystic Tan,” a self-tanning product.  You’ll see how I write the pieces as if they are 100% editorial, but I am promoting their products ONLY.  Clever, eh?  This was for one pretty famous beauty supplier who was advertising in a mag.  So here you go and enjoy.  I think it’s fun and I enjoyed writing it.  And, you do learn about self-tanning and shaving.  It is, in theory,  really and editorial piece.  I just used specific brands rather than brands of my own choosing.  It’s amazing how many elements go in to making a magazine, right?  Anywhooooo…the fun part is when you see it laid out.  Have a great Sunday and I will see you for the “Wish List” tomorrow.

Dedicatedly yours,

—One of 365

Self-Tanners: 

Mystic Tan's Perfect Tan Kit, $54, Sephora.com

Self-tanning has always been tricky.  When the first products came on the market we were left with a radioactive tangerine tint that made us look more George Hamilton than groovin’ with a J-Lo glow.  But since those “dark days,” products have evolved.  Cutting- edge brands like Mystic Tan have given natural-looking hues to almost 200 million people.  XXXX is delighted to carry Mystic Tan’s new luxe line of DIY products that have revolutionized the self-tanning world.  Their collection includes the Perfect Tan Kit Body, Perfect Tan Kit Face, Sunless Tanning Spray Face and Body, Sunless Enhancing Moisturizer Body and Shimmer Face.  [Pssst!] If you’ve ever envied Jessica Simpson’s golden skin, Mystic Tan is her secret.

But no matter how “golden” the self-tanner becomes, the application process is not always fail-safe.  So…Welcome to Self-tanner 101!  

The first step for any self-tanning guru is exfoliation.  Removing dead skin cells is key because you don’t want dry zones like knees and elbows to collect tanner and make the product appear dark, muddy and uneven. Now, here comes the fun part…the application!  But be wary.  Many of us have earned the Scarlet Letter of self-tanners: discolored palms (the true sign of a novice).  A helpful hint: Use latex gloves for application.  Worried about having white hands?  Problem solved. All you need to do is rub the backs of your palms with self-tanner in a clockwise direction.  Works every time!  

Okay. Body exfoliated?  Latex gloves snapped on?  You’re ready!  Believe it or not, this is the easy part.  Using gentle, long strokes, apply the tanner as evenly as possible along your skin.  A great tip is to add a dollop of moisturizer to the tanner, making the product a bit more malleable and therefore easier to apply.  This is also excellent for tan enhancement, because it helps saturate the color into your skin.   

So you’ve tanned yourself, and you’re wondering, “what now?”  Well, don’t allow your skin to get near water for at least 4 hours.  Also, this stuff can stain!  If you’re planning to throw on that white Prada maxi-dress right away, that’s a huge no-no.  

If you have the time to tan and set during the day, more power to you.  But the ideal time is just before you turn in for the night.  Then you can shower off the residual product in the morning.  (To protect your sheets, wear a scruffy pair of old pj’s.)  This is ideal because you maximize the amount of tan time allowing, for the deepest color possible, and you don’t have to worry that any of the above uh-oh’s will happen.  

So now that you’re tan and gorgeous, all you have to do is maintain your new radiance.  Moisturizing is key, because it keeps skin from sloughing off and also prolongs your beautiful bronze.  Use Mystic Tan’s Sunless Enhancing Moisturizer Body that provides offers a subtle amount of color while keeping skin hydrated.  

(Okay. That’s it.) You glow, girl! 

Shaving: 

Billy Jealousy Hydroplane Super-Slick Shave Cream $20 sephora.com

We all—men and women alike– have nightmare stories about shaving. Many a prom night photo has been ruined by guys with Band-Aids slapped over razor burns.  And surely there have been countless summer BBQ’s where girls showed up in pants instead of cute new dresses because they had a shaving fiasco.  

The simple fact is we didn’t have the “cutting-edge” razors that populate the market today–razors with names that sound like launch vehicles designed by NASA!  Well, we’ve come a long way from that scary man in the barbershop wielding a straight edge blade, a leather strop and a shaky hand.  What’s so exciting about this razor revolution are all the brilliant products that have arrived to help us in the fine art of shaving. Creams, waxes, oils, foams—even lasers! 

XXXX’s team of specialists is always on hand to help you select the shaving option that’s perfect for you (and we’ve got quite a selection).  And now we’ve found something genuinely unique that’s going to make any shaving aficionado “jealous.”  Hint: it also won Best Shaving Cream at Esquire’s 2007 Grooming Awards.   Oh, and George Clooney is a fan.  Care to read on? 

Hydroplane, by Billy Jealousy, is a foamless shave cream that lubricates the skin to give you the closest shave possible while also protecting against razor burn, nicks, bumps and ingrown hairs.  A little goes a long way with this 8oz. bottle, because it miraculously gets slicker and more powerful as you add warm water to it.  As we all know–ouch!–shaving can leave a burning sensation but Hydroplane provides a pleasant cooling effect as it performs its magic.  The formula includes micro-silicon beads that have a slight exfoliation action–also fantastic for an ultra-soft finish because it sloughs off dead skin cells.  And with chamomile and aloe to keep skin calm and humectants to preserve moisture, it’ll give you the happiest skin on the planet.  Because Hydroplane is perfect for every skin type, all you have to do is massage onto face, shave, and rinse with cool water.  And, because it’s such a smooth product, women are grabbing it off the shelves after rave reviews from the men in their lives.  Hey, if a guy can steal your shampoo and conditioner, why can’t you steal his shaving cream? 

XXXXXX’s Tick List: Do’s and Don’ts of Shaving  

1. Always shave with warm water.  The best time is after a steaming, hot shower.  Or, ladies, a great time to shave is IN a steaming, hot shower!
2. Make sure you have a sharp blade.  Dull blades are going to tear skin, cause ingrown hairs and create razor burn.
3. Never shave against the grain (even though we’re tempted because we think we’re getting a closer and quicker shave: we’re actually causing small cuts to the skin that could lead to infection and ingrown hairs).
4. When you’re finished shaving, always rinse with cool water.  This closes the pores and calms the skin.
5. Moisturize! Use an after-shave balm, lotion or cream and avoid anything alcohol based (unless you want to encourage burning!).
6. Don’t be cheap!  Sometimes things are worth spending a little extra money on.  That bag of 100 razors for 99 cents is priced that way for a reason.  Invest in a quality razor and a well-researched product.