Now THIS makes an impact. Everyone wants to go to The Ritz! Now, let's be real. My humble blog will never be as mighty as this legend, but I'd certainly like it to be as welcoming and for people to want to come inside. Please help me figure out how I can get a diamond slightly as big as the Ritz

Dear Ether, 

I was having a very interesting debate about blogs the other night with a fellow astronaut in the sphere.  He also happens to be a marketing strategist so he thinks in a way that I most certainly do not.  His insight into this world is fascinating.  

I know blogging isn’t about statistics, but c’mon, we all take a gander at them.  Not to be competitive and get book deals with Penguin, but to see if anyone out there is reading us.  After five months my blog stats have remained the same and this has concerned me.  I don’t understand why I’m not getting more hits and why my hit rates aren’t steadily rising (I post every day and I try and choose lovely photos!).  Is my site unsightly?  Are my pictures ugly?  Are my titles/captions bad?  My content rubbish?  I’m worried.  Well, marketing maestro asked me a very interesting question.  What was my bounce rate?  Well, quite high actually.  This, he said, was key.  He said people were clicking on my site and then leaving before they had a chance to read my content. Those who read my work probably liked it. This proved the consistency of my solid number I could count on every day. But most other people never got that far.  Here’s the analogy he thought best:  It’s like having a restaurant. You’ve got great food, an amazing chef and a great interior with lovely staff.  Hey, even the toilets are nice with Molton Brown hand soap.  But, the awning is rubbish, the sign is torn, you haven’t swept the sidewalk and your curb appeal is just awful.  No one is going to walk in and open the door to see the innards because they think the outside is a reflection of the inside.  

But is this so?  Is that what’s going on?  Or, is the market simply too saturated with blogs? OR people can’t be asked to read anything longer than a blurb or two and my posts are too lengthy so when they see my post they find it too daunting? All these questions and more are what make up my blog post today.  For those of you who’ve “stepped into my restaurant,” who’ve actually made it this far into my content, I’d love your advice.  I want more people to read my writing and readership to grow, but something is wrong and I can’t put my finger on it.  So, today I’m asking for suggestions.   Think of it as me doing a bit of blog market research.  I’m going to put being humble aside for a moment.  I think my content is really decent.  But again, people aren’t getting that far.  

I am not looking for a pat on the back.  PLEASE.  Don’t toot my horn or try to be nice.  Honesty is what I’m looking for.  When I set out to write One of 365 I wanted it to be read by a lot of people so I could connect with the world and grow.  I don’t want to be another blog statistic.  I could really use your advice.  Hey, if you think I’m wrong and think my content is shit, fuck it—let me know.  Speak your mind.  I want my restaurant to flourish and you guys are the people I want to come in and enjoy a meal with.

I also think this will be an interesting case study for other bloggers out there to think about how this might aid you as well if you have the same concerns.  

On that note……I appreciate your feedback and wait in haste for thoughts.  My ripped awning is waiting to be fixed.  

Dedicatedly yours, 

—One of 365

I've collapsed. I'm like a girl in a squat who just sleeps all day-- a faded beauty surrounded by things that might have once been grand. I was once useful and now I am just a drain. BUT I will wake up one day and my greatest fear is that I will be alone. I'm sorry I've turned into the girl in the picture. But I believe what was once beautiful can be salvaged again with belief and hope. Am I right, Ethers?

Dear Ethers, 

I know I was supposed to share my Valentino catwalk show with you today, but I wanted to hold off and address something that has been causing me great anxiety.  

My blog has been very negative and depressing lately.  I don’t know what to do about it.  I’m afraid what I write is redundant and dreary.  I fear it’s become a broken record.  I’m even bored hearing about my saga with English gent and Los Angeles and my woes about my career.  But I pose the question: if this blog is supposed to be real and honest—and about my daily thoughts—then what am I supposed to do?  

Maybe it was a foolish challenge to write every day.  I mean, others do it, but often they have jobs where they have fresh material that they can bring to the table everyday.  Me?  I’m just a normal person—and who really wants to read about someone else’s “normal” when they have their own B.S. to deal with daily?  

When I started One of 365 I wanted to be everything to everyone.  I wanted to be a shoulder to lean on, a smile for someone, a big laugh, a brilliant insight, a fashion guru, a beauty aficionado—I wanted to be the girl that would have impressed Mr. X and everyone else out there in the world.  I wanted to write my little heart out and have everyone relate to me in someway because I felt that I could connect the human spirit whether you lived in Uganda or the USA.  I loved to write and had so much to say and felt blogging was a dream opportunity. 

I feel like I’ve failed.  For about 2 weeks I’ve wanted to throw in the towel.  Erase One of 365 from the blogosphere, delete my e-mail address and my Twitter account and do what I feared most—-fade into the ether.  I felt like an arthritic 90 year old every time I sat at my keyboard writing.  It felt painful to type, to search for images, to feel anything.  I’ve been rubbish at responding to comments (which is my FAVORITE thing about my blog), writing to other blogs I’m a fan of (sorry guys) and Tweeting (which I also adore because of the live and clever banter).  

On the 29^th I will be a quarter of the way through my 365 days. I’ve come a long way, but still have a hell of a long journey ahead.  I know sometimes we hit potholes in life and since my blog is really reflective of my life, can you understand that I’m in a deep pothole–a deep, scary pothole?  I mean, I hope that the 4 wheel drive will kick in and I’ll get out of this and those of you who will have stuck with me will be able to see this dark cloud’s silver lining shine again.  Look, I can’t go on much longer like this either, so if you think reading about this everyday is crummy, imagine living it…. 

My point is, this blog is a journey——and I made no promises that it was ever going to be a smooth ride.  To put it crassly: things suck right now.  But even though it often takes all my strength to sit down and write this and face my feelings, I sometime don’t know what I’d do without this site.  

Will you take my word on something Ethers?  I’m really a nice person who is in a pinch right now.  I’m loving, but desperate.  Hopeful, but crushed.  Amidst people, but lonesome.  And don’t let this scare you, but sometimes I wish I could just fall asleep and never wake up.  But I can’t imagine life without me in it. God knows how, but I get up with my heart in my mouth and I manage to tick each day off the calendar hoping that maybe tomorrow will be the day that the 4 wheel drive kicks in.  

I’m only 29.  But my god, I’m fucking 29.  Can you understand that sentiment?  Amelia Burr said “Because I have loved life, I shall have no sorrow to die.”  I do not feel that way at all.  My dying wish is to have that inscribed on my gravestone.

Dedicatedly yours,

—One of 365

"I can't deny the fact that you like me, right now, you like me!" -Sally Field accepting her Oscar in 1985 Best Actress for "Places in the Heart."

Dear Ethers,

You all know that my greatest feeling is when I get love and feedback from you Ethers out there.  So when I get love from my peers in the blogosphere it really is a crowning achievement for me. Ms. Looking Fab In Your Forties  has bestowed this award so kindly upon me and I’m really grateful because she is not just a fellow blogger (and a brilliant one at that) but has become a friend in the wily world that is the blogosphere. She really couldn’t have done me prouder, and I accept this award thankfully because I respect her so much as a writer, a woman and a pal.

So evidently there are some very strict rules that come with this award (and I will gladly agree to abide, Academy).  

They are as follow:

1) Brag about it.
2) Choose seven blogs to receive the award & link to them.
3) List ten honest things about myself.

Well, I’ve done the bragging bit and since you didn’t see me jumping up and down in my underpants when I first got word, I think I’ve done enough of that! So part one, check!

My 7 top-notch blogs (in no particular order) are:

Looking Fab In Your Forties (It’s true.  I can’t deny it.  Even though she awarded it to me I still think she is a top-dog in the game and deserves the award right back at her.  She is the Mom I’d want to be and the woman I’d like to become as sophisticated as one day.  Oh and since she is leaving me her Gina’s and her Santos in her will, I better be awfully nice to her!)

Broken Postcard (This wonderful guy is a soulful blogger that has such an unusual site that is filled with spectacular philosophy, poetry, art and thoughts that you feel like you are visiting an artists salon when you go to his sphere.  A truly spectacular, unusual and inspirational blog.  I cannot believe how multi-talented you are with your artistic abilities and your thoughts which are so clever and deep.   I wonder if you are an old soul trapped in a young man’s body.  I adore you Mr. Crockett.)

Mrs.Trefusis Takes A Taxi (Ahhh Mrs. T! My first friend and guide in the blog world. You took me under your wing and have inspired me with your wit and wisdom ever since.  I adore your witty banter, your class and your good soul.  Your site never is anything but intelligent and quick–just like you.  Thank you for being my beacon in this nutty universe X.)

Helena Halme (A woman who understands the trials and tribulations of love of the English gent and the discovery and adaptation of two whole new  worlds–England and the blogosphere—we have so much in common.  Your blog tells your heart beautifully and you deserve to be read.)

Life The Universe And All Thats In It (Oh Ruth! What a woman! You are everything a gal should be and more. I met you by chance and I am so lucky.  Who knew that a glam lady from Wales and a little set of numbers from Los Angeles would become such fast friends?  You are always so sassy, upbeat, warm, embracing, supportive and your blog reflects your lust for life and your beautiful personality.  You also nominated me, and I feel so lucky. Really, you deserve to be a success in your writing and in any endeavor that you seek out.  To me, you embody beauty inside and out.  You remind me to try and remember the important things in life.)

Let’s Talk About Me (Okay Max.  You bonkers nutter! You are the funniest man on Twitter.  You also write a hilarious blog that reflects your wonderful sense of humor but also your excellent perception of the world and life around you.  I adore your spam fighting and your delightful conversation.  I think you are a diamond in the rough and I feel so lucky to have found you and to have met your acquaintance.  I look to you for a laugh, a smile and a good time.  What more can you ask for from a blog or a buddy?  I know we just started our friendship, but I hope it lasts a long time. Too bad your married, I still have that nice Jewish girl who can cook and knows her SEO for you in Golders Green…the offer still stands.  Lewisham buddies forever! X)

Beauty Editor.ca (This is to my lovely beauty girl Michelle who is out there fighting the beauty fight in another part of North America and doing it damned well.  Her site is beautiful, her writing is excellent and she is a hard-working, no BS Beauty writer who knows her lipsticks from her glosses.  She’ll happily help you with any beauty questions you need (if her site doesn’t already provide the answer).  She’s also a fellow Touche Eclat leper (that’s how we became fast friends) and it’s always great to have a buddy in the biz who is kind and sweet with a good heart and is going through a lot of what you are dealing with work-wise.  I hope nothing but the best for her blog and my hope is to one day meet my fellow foundation friend and talk shop over lattes (skim milk only!) and the death of the biz and maybe collaborating on a dot.com mag where we make billions! Mwah-hahahahaha! X)

And now 10 honest things about me (are you sure?):

1. I have a horrible fear of people who sweat too much.  Especially bald men.  Dripping sweat makes me the most nauseous.  I once was on a plane and was sitting in a 2 seat situation next to a corpulent man who was bald, hot and bothered.  I slowly watched as long beads of sweat started to drizzle down from his head onto the lapel of his sport coat making a plopping sound and leaving darkened dots on his jacket.  I almost threw up, and begged the flight attendant for a new seat (it was a long haul journey and I was gonna be using the barf bags the whole way otherwise).  I can hack it at a distance, like at the gym, but if I see you with it dripping, and the drip is hanging there, I feel sick!

2. I am terrified of commitment of any sort.  It can be anything as serious as marriage and kids to a pair of jeans in a store.  I find decision making beyond difficult and I ruminate for hours, sometimes days if I walked away from a shop and didn’t buy something I should have and then call the next day and find out it is gone.  Years can go buy and I can still imagine what THOSE jeans would have been perfect with if only I hadn’t been a fool that day and walked away.

3. I am a RETARD at math.  I cannot do anything past easy addition, subtraction and some multiplication.  If I ever were to have children, I would be humiliated by the fact that I don’t even know what half of the symbols on a calculator mean.  I bombed my SAT’s in math so badly that it screwed me up for UNI’s I wanted to go to.  I am good at knowing when clothes are on a discount (funny, then I am a master at percentages!) but beyond that any math skills I have are that of a vegetable.  Humiliating.

4. I don’t know if I am a good kisser.  Now, you’d say, “why don’t you ask the English gent?” Well, he’ll tell me I am.  But I suspect that I am not his best.  That in the kissing department I have failed.  That I am not a good kisser like others are.  I feel like I am lacking in that department

5.  I love freebies and I think that is one of the reasons why I ended up as a Beauty Writer.  Terrible, I know.  I’ve always loved gifts.  When I was a kid we used to get goodie bags when we would leave a party—loved it!  Halloween was a favorite holiday because of the free candy.  I have this sense of entitlement that I should get discounts and freebies like I am a fucking movie star.  Ridiculous.  But true.

6. I am TERRIFIED of aging.  It scares me more than death.  I am scared of losing my youth, not being able to relate to and talk to young people the same way anymore.  Not being able to dress in certain fashions.  Losing my figure.  Not flirting.  Having things sag.  Losing my young face.  Going gray.  Ailments.  Everything negative with aging, I fear.  I have been frightened of it since I was about 13.  Ask my folks (well, you can’t) but it’s true. I have been afraid of every year that has ticked by.  I wish I had a portrait I could hide in a closet somewhere.

7. I always wanted to be a movie star.  I thought it would be such a thrill to be famous and rich and have the celeb life.  I know it sounds pompous, but it was the closest thing to immortality and royalty that I could imagine and I wish I had pursued acting.  But my esteem as too low and I foolishly never tried.  I have a terrible regret about that and am jealous when I read about famous people. 

8. I have no sense of self.  I have terrible low self-esteem (but most people don’t know because I am very gregarious) and I often let things eat way at me.  I have very few friends and tend to lose them often.  I don’t know why, but girls between the ages of 20-39 dislike me and people think they can take advantage of me.  Really crappy.

9. I could eat candy, cakes, pastries and Mexican food all day and all night if it didn’t mean adult on-set diabetes and obesity.  I love sour candy, chocolate, key-lime pie, nachos…….OMG………HARIBO………TALK TO ME!  

10. Finally, and this is the honest truth, I just want to have a good life.  I want to be free and blissful and know where I’m going.  I want a path carved out for me and know that I’m on the right road.  I’m on this journey with you guys so maybe that will guide me somewhere.  But this being an Honest Scrap Award—it can’t get anymore straight-up—I just want my life to be okay.  

With love to you all.  Thank you for being a part of my routine and my sphere.  And pay your scraps forward.  I can’t wait to see who YOU nominate and what you have to say about yourselves.  Thanks for listening and again, this is a big deal for me! I’ll be donning my black tie gown and popping the champagne later. Cheers!

Dedicatedly yours,

—One of 365