Ermm....even if I had an ass like this...I need a bit more coverage...

Dear Ether,

Is it wrong to wear knickers from Costco?  Does buying underwear in a vacuum-sealed pack by the dozen make me less of a woman?  

I don’t enjoy spending a lot of money on undergarments.  I like them to be functional.  Now, it’s true that I haven’t been on the dating scene in a long time. I probably wouldn’t wear my 80’s floral patterned pants to meet a hot dude at his apartment.  BUT, what about schlepping around during the day?  I mean, women, when they go to the market, wear lacy-black thongs (how do I know this—well, you know when you squat down looking at the bottom shelf, be careful!  We can see your business…enough said).   Or, ladies power-walk to work wearing La Perla.  I suppose many women feel that it all begins with the foundation of your clothes and then you build up.  Not me!  I like the freedom of throwing on my cheap-o undies, 100% cotton, fully covered bum, in a dopey pattern or just a block color.  Though I do have my standards–I never wear white! 

I own a couple of sexy little numbers.  And sometimes, when I’ve been bad about doing laundry, I’ve been forced to pull them out for everyday use.  I feel silly.  Like I’m wearing a cocktail dress out to McDonalds.  It doesn’t feel like I’m treating myself to something special.  In fact, it feels scratchy or too posh.  It seems like a waste.  People would laugh if they knew what was under some of the clothes worn to many of the events I attend.  For example, I have a beautiful Chloe dress that I wear with black Louboutin’s.  Yeah……I then rock the look with budget lingerie from the Gap or Primark.  

When I first changed in front of English gent, I didn’t expect to be going au natural.  And since I rock the shitty undergarment look, well fuck, out came the 5 year old, no name nude bra.  And, of course, the Costco paisley-print briefs.  HOT!  As a joke I said “What do you think?” He laughed and said, “That is truly shocking.”  Hey, Ethers, at least I still had it in me to shock a man!  

When I see a woman in an ad or a film wearing a gorgeous set of lingerie and see her power of seduction, yeah, I often feel the elastic in the waist of my knickers and frown.  But, instead of spending 30 bucks per pair (at least) on some silk string bikinis, I’d much rather enjoy a nice lunch instead.  

Recently I saw some tabloid photos of Miranda Kerr (Orlando Bloom’s lady) in a corset and thigh-high’s from the Victoria’s Secret fashion show.  Yep.  She looked amazing. But, then I saw another pap photo of her changing in the background of another runway show.  She was wearing a crappy, plain nude bra and from what I could see a tan thong.  And you know what, she still looked pretty fucking hot.  At the end of the day, if you’ve got a great bod, those vacuum-sealed bargain beauties are gonna be just fine.  And if you don’t have such a great figure, yeah, maybe a sexy number from Rigby & Pellar will make you appear hotter or feel better.  But, hey, let’s face it, no matter how tight you lace that bustier, you ain’t gonna look like Ms. Kerr.  So, my feeling?  Save your bucks.  You’ll only be wearing that stuff for a few seconds anyway if you’re with a guy.  And at the end of the day, the fewer strings and snaps he has to deal with to get to you, the better.  Viva la underpants!!!!!!

Dedicatedly yours, 

—One of 365

One of the MANY reasons I choose not to wear white underpants.....visible panty line....though this lady has a few other things to think about!

"Aiutare"

Dear Ether, 

I don’t like to speak to anyone in Dr. W’s (my psychiatrist) waiting room.  I specifically arrive 10 minutes early before each session to gather my thoughts.  To collect myself and think about what I’d like to cover that day.  Unfortunately, he shares office space with other doctors, so I often have to sit with other patients. Everyone tends to mind their own business.  The crackly stereo plays classical music from the public radio station.  Eyes tend to stare down at laps. 

But every Thursday, whilst waiting for my 1:15 appointment, I’m always left alone with an Italian woman.  She’s in her late 30’s.  Severe black hair in a chignon.  Badly painted lips in a brick red. A dowdy outfit.  I know as soon as she walks in, flicks the button to let her therapist know she’s arrived, she’s going to begin conversing with me.  She doesn’t seem to notice my body language, my monosyllabic answers.  She often repeats the same things in a very heavy accent. 

“Ciao.  You look GORGEOUS. Always so stylish.  Oh, I wish I was like you.” Let’s just say I don’t wear my Sunday’s finest when I attend therapy, so I think she says this as an opening line to everyone.  I always smile, nod my head, thank her, and look down.  She continues.  “This week, so bad.  I am unwell.  SO unwell.  I drove 1 hour to get here and cried the whole way.  I think something is poor with my medicine.”  This is when she starts to cry—some more, I presume.  Now, I’m not in the best state either, and I don’t know how to deal with her.  She’s a total stranger, and I don’t know if she’s schizophrenic or has some other mental illness.  I attempt to calm her.  Ask her about Italy.  But she has a one-track mind.  She sometimes reaches to grab my hand.  I don’t like this at all.  Now I know this seems so cruel and cold.  But, I can’t stand being touched by strangers.  I’m also slightly scared of her.  She continues, “Please.  Help me?  You look like you can help me.”  I tell her, as I do every week, that I too am here because I have troubles and that I wish I could do something for her.  Then, like snapping out of some trance, she begins to overly compliment me about some item of my outfit again.  

Finally Dr. W. fetches me, and her eyes follow me as I leave.  I’ve told him about her.  He says he’ll speak with her doctor.  But nothing ever changes.  This has gone on for almost a year. 

On December 10^th—my Thursday appointment, as per usual, I walk in to see Dr. W.  I finally have peace as the Italian woman (I do not know her name) does not show.  What relief.  Maybe she has gone home for Christmas.  Dr. W. fetches me, I smile and crack a joke saying that the “Princepessa” has allowed me to think for once with her absence.  That I have some good things to chat about today.  Without any emotion, he tells me that she had actually hanged herself the previous week.  No one had found her for a few days.  She had no friends.  It was the smell which had alerted people of her death.  I nod my head up and down–eyes blinking, taking it in.   “You know, I spent a year with that woman.  1 day a week for 10 minutes.  She always asked for help .  And each time she annoyed me.  I’m sure that’s how she everyone treated her. And, I know I couldn’t have changed her fate, but maybe I could have made 10 minutes of her day a bit happier.” 

I guess, through my selfish behavior, I got my wish.  I no longer had to speak with anyone in the waiting room.  But gathering my thoughts in the waiting room—forget it.  All I’ll be picturing each Thursday–for a while at least–is a woman with raven colored hair, bloody colored lipstick and alabaster skin dangling from the ceiling.  What would 10 minutes have been out of 52 weeks?  Less than an hour?  Shame on me.  

Dedicatedly yours,

—One of 365

Dear Ether,

I haven’t had time to do a proper Wish List in forever!  Yes, I have been perusing the Web drooling at collections knowing that by the time I’ll be able to afford these gorgeous clothes, I’ll be too old for them.  And that was what I always adored about my Wish List.  That I could shop and put together an ensemble as if I were ready to slam down that credit card after making my selection.

So, eyebrows knit, concentration at the highest level, I hit the Matthew Williamson website and was blown away by the easy to use and fun virtual closet that lay before me.  Many times I visit high-end designer  sites and they are embedded with so many bells and whistles.  Too much Flash and crazy music.  You can’t even figure out how to navigate the bloody thing and you give up before you even get to see what they have on offer.  I also love that you can copy and paste images allowing you to make a visual tick-list for later consideration.  So many designers have posted their pictures with such high security that you can’t pull pieces that you might want to save on your desktop or share with your friends and ask for advice.  The only crummy thing that Maestro Williamson has done is not posted the prices.  Dun, dun, dun!  We know what that means.  That the goods are so damned pricey they are afraid to show you what they cost for fear of you collapsing right in front of your screen.  They offer you a NYC phone number to call for advice about any frock, but I hate this feature.  I want to have the privacy of working online and cutting out dealing with a pushy sales person.  Bad move Matthew!

Anyway, I wanted to go for something sexy, badass, uber luxe and probably worth a zillion dollars because–fuck—the prices weren’t there so I figured why shouldn’t we live in fantasy land this once?  Matthew Williamson kits out all the cool kids from Sienna Miller to Kate Moss.  This Brit, believe it or not, actually started with some of his first goodies in Marks & Spencer’s in their “Autograph” range……whoa!  Williamson, has actually stayed quite close to his department store grass roots having been part of Designer’s At Debenhams in the UK since 2002 under the name “Butterfly” (his famous insignia) and more recently, by partnering up with a one-off collection with H&M.  In 2006, Williamson took over as Creative Director at Pucci (not surprising as he is known for his brilliant patterns and color palettes, just as Emilio Pucci was).  And, he has a lovely line of fragrance and candles that he launched in 2005.  Not surprising, this 38 year old is a graduate from Central St. Martin’s in London and has now become one of the staple names on the runways today.

So, picture this.  You are out in London.  It is cold, but man have you got the MOST amazing shoes you want to show off and anyway, when you get inside, it’ll be warm.  So sporting a short dress (again, don’t worry, you have a “pimp” coat covering you) you are almost ready to go.  While applying your make-up, you’ve lit a lovely scented candle to get you in a sexy, chilled out mood.  You’ve grabbed your blingalicious, but beyond jealousy-enducing bag, just as you’ve heard the taxi honk its horn.  Damn, you look HOT!  Let’s GO!

Yep. This hugs you in ALL the right places. The pattern is beyond cool with a futuristic/Asian inspired feel. The hand-beading at the chest allows you to forget about the need for jewelery as it's built in! The tulip shaped skirt and the polo neck make the dress architectural in cut (which is on trend). The black band around the waist looks like a belt giving the appearance of a petite ribcage and the sleeves are fitted to elongate the arms. The length is perfectly cut to show off the right amount of leg and the right amount of heel! Lace Jersey Polo Neck Dress-Black Multi, www.matthewwilliamson.com (price upon request)

Yeah. These aren't your ordinary black court shoe. From the platform, to the wings on the side to the hot-pink piping---these are killer heels. Again, these are slightly architectural in design which match the quirkiness of the dress and the heel height will make your legs soar! Nappa Patent Court Shoe-Black www.matthewwillamson.com (price upon request)

These are from the runway....but I thought I'd give you another alternative to the basic black if you really wanted to go wild! I think the blue snakeskin might actually work with the patterns in the dress and certainly the color scheme. These shoes are NOT for the shy violet--though neither is this ensemble. I like that these shoe-boots are a bit more punk-funk and make the dress slightly more daring. Call me crazy! But hey, it's always YOUR choice. Runway Shoe-Boots, No Price or Name.

I'd kill for this bag. Kill! It's sexy, elegant, trendy, youthful, seductive.....it is THE perfect evening bag. I love the shimmering colors and the scales on the shell. The chain in the gunmetal looks very evening---and chains as straps again are on trend. This will go magically with the colors of the dress. LOVE THIS! Hard Evening Acid Python Oval Bag-Blue, www.matthewwilliamson.com (price upon request)

I promised you a ridiculously opulent jacket--well here it is! A fox fur coat fashioned to look like mink, is going to keep you warm and trendy. Typical of Williamson, there are panels of bespoke brocade near the lapels in orange and gold. Curvy, with loads of volume and class, as much as you are going to want to reveal your dead-hot dress---this is going to be a pity to take off. Fox Brocade Coat-Mink, www.matthewwilliamson.com (price upon request)

And finally, just to get you going before the night begins and calm you down after it ends, here is one cool candle from Matthew's extensive collection. With loads of colors and scents, you'll find the one perfect for your groove for the night. I just chose this one because I thought the color looked nice and the name "Dusk" seemed appropriate Matthew Williamson Scented Candles, www.matthewwilliamson.com (price upon request)

And it wasn't because we didn't pay our electric bill........

Dear Ether, 

August 2003.  New York City.  I’m living in Manhattan with the Big Apple Beauty until yet another one of my visas is approved for England.  It is SWELTERING outside.  And in the East Coast of the United States in August that usually also means humidity—like the bloody AMAZON!  It’s like an unremitting furnace.  Big Apple Beauty, thank goodness, had air-conditioning in good ol’ #1403. 

We had made plans that day to go to the Lower East side (we lived on the Upper East side—-the total opposite end of the city) to go and get a delicious deli lunch, visit the famous pickle lady who sells the best sours out of a barrel on the street (you could die from palette joy!).  We also wanted to check out some of the groovy shops and funky new cafes that had been opening up down there.  Both of us had been complaining that we were SO lazy and unmotivated.  That we always made plans and never stuck to them.  We had made this date over a week a go, and rain or shine (and what shine it was) we were going to schlep down there and keep to our schedule.  I wore a nice vest-top, skirt and refined flip-flops with a heel and she wore trousers and a T-shirt and sneakers.  We were set to go.  The second we stepped out, we were soaked.  I mean, thank GOD for deodorant.  But we marched to that Subway station, and dammit, we made it. 

We poked our head into some cute boutiques and then got completely waylaid by this famous bra shop.  The shop, owned by an Orthodox Jewish couple, was known for brand name underwires for bargain prices.  AND, the wife could take one look at your boobs and tell you what bra size you should be wearing and type you needed.  Basically, a really ghetto Rigby & Pellar.  The store was a total dive, had no air-con and Big Apple Beauty and I were sweating while a stranger fondled our breasts.  It was…..errr…..charming to say the least.  But hey, anything for a deal, right? 

Pleased with out new over the should boulder holders, we walked out onto the street and noticed proprietors of shops standing outside of their properties and people rushing to grab taxis.  It looked like Armageddon.  We went up to a shopkeeper and asked what was going on and he told us that the whole city had lost power.  Too many people had overused air-conditioning and busted the system.  Shit.  Okay.  That meant it was going to be sweltering in the apartment, and we didn’t have a fan, but it’d get fixed soon enough.  All we had to do was hop on a bus and get home.  OH.  RIGHT.  The city was in a deadlock.  The streets were filled with people walking and no cars or buses could pass.  The Subways were dead because of loss of electricity.  You have to remember we were at least a 2-hour walk away in bad shoes, horrible heat and in with a mass of other desperate people.  The worst part was that convenient store owners who had cold water hiked up prices to $5 a bottle.  People were fainting on the sidewalk.  It was hideous.  Big Apple Beauty, no youngster, often felt lightheaded.  We’d hop on a bus—packed to the limit—just to have a break and some air-conditioning.  The bus, of course, wasn’t moving. 

I’d say we left the Lower East side at around 4pm and didn’t get to the Upper East side until at least 7pm.  At that point our feet were bloody and blistered.  Big Apple Beauty couldn’t take her shoes off because they had swollen so badly.  To make things worse, we were really badly dehydrated.  You have to remember, we NEVER ventured that far EVER.  Of all the luck.  The day we get motivated, and look at our reward! It was really eerie seeing the city, one so famous for its skyline, pitch black.  The heat did not cease, so we sat by the East River to try and get some of the breeze.  All you saw were candles flickering all around.  It looked like it must have done during the 19^th century. 

Of course none of the lifts worked in her building, and she lived on the 14^th floor, so we had to walk with a doorman and a torch up steep steps in a narrow corridor which was a heat trap.  By the time we reached the apartment we both were so sick.  The water had been turned off, so no showers to get rid of the sweat and using the toilet was dangerous!  We only opened the fridge when necessary and we sat listening to a radio dripping wet in her stuffy apartment looking out of the window seeing a million other people with candlelit flats doing the same thing.  Eventually the power came back to certain areas, but not until very late in the evening.  There were many people (elderly mainly) who had perished.  It was the worst blackout since 1977—and even then it wasn’t as bad as in 2003. 

I don’t wear that bra anymore.  But when I did wear it, man, it was like a badge of honor.  I earned that sucker.  Big Apple Beauty and I swear, no matter how tempting the pickles are or the lingerie bargains may be, we can’t imagine going down to the Lower East side again.  That place was literally hell…actually…probably hotter than. 

Dedicatedly yours, 

—One of 365

Not the bra I got from the joint in the Lower East side.....but this million dollar baby made of diamonds is how I think of it when I look back on how much it cost me to get it!

Dear Ether,

Well, Well, Well.  Just when you thought I’d given up on Fashion Fridays……….but they’re baaaaaaaaaaack!  You know, I’ve been so busy with other topics.  My dad’s results came in on a Friday.  I needed advice from you guys on a Friday.  It seemed that the end of the week was just a dire day that needed serious attention. But, I realize that I’ve neglected a very fun part of One of 365.  So for all of your fashionista Ethers, here’s a little clothing pizzaz to start your weekend.

I didn’t choose anything too nuts.  I wanted to snap a look that I love dearly and I’ve worn with staples you’ve seen before.  I wanted the garment to speak for itself with the other accessories to act as a canvas to let it shine.  I love this dress.  It’s beyond comfortable, beautifully made, smartly constructed, uniquely designed, youthful and sleek.  You can also dress it up or down.  Even better, it doesn’t show your gut if you’ve just wolfed down a burger and fries (and in my case, half a cake!).

Here’s the story behind it.  I worked as head of copy and content for lifestyle, fashion and beauty for a very famous UK department store website.  They had the most unbelievable discount.  We had two different types of deals.  One deal was we had a yearly allowance of 1,200 pounds worth of uniform at 50% off.  Now, for the shop floor folks that only meant black shoes or a suit.  But, since we were the creatives and had manager status on our cards, we could B.S. a bit.  The icing on the cake was that we also got 50% off 1 bag and 1 coat.  Nice!  But the best thing was our discount could be used towards sale items too.  So you can imagine the deals we got during Christmas and July.  The other general discount was 33% off almost anything in the store.  AND…sometimes they would give us an extra 10% off day making the total 43%!!!  Oh yeah….beyond killer.  Most of my paycheck went back into the shop which I think might have been their evil plan  Needless to say, most of my lunch breaks consisted of shopping and trying to score deals.

This dress totally wasn’t what anyone would consider uniform.  But, as I was a creative and manager, I gave a huge smile and sweet talked the head of sales of that department.  The dress was originally 200 pounds, marked down to 100 pounds and I paid 50 because of my discount.  FAB!  I’ll one day share with you my many goodies that I got from this amazing department store.  And there are so many regrets (oh why, oh why did I pass up that amazing Vivienne Westwood skirt suit for 200 pounds that was originally a grand!!!).  But here we are on Fashion Fridays enjoying one of my many delights that I got working in London.  I know you want to hear more…you’ll die when I tell you what I paid for my YSL Muse bag

Happy Friday Ethers and thanks for hanging out at the ol’ blog.

Dedicatedly yours,

—One of 365

I reckon this would look great on any figure. And you see the Falke tights that I have worn a zillion times (and keep pushing you to buy) and my KG's (best buy EVER). I think this is a whimsical, fashionable piece that really stands out. I get compliments when I wear it out because it doesn't look like any ol' dress.

Here it is splayed out in its full glory. It's made of silk and I love that the sheer fabric pattern matches the crocheted swans on the chest. So clever and a perfect touch to make this a really special piece. I think it's the little details from the designer to match things like fabrics which make pieces stand-out and feel very bespoke. Swan Silk Dress, Desiyah, 50 Pounds, Famous UK Department Store, London

Just in case you couldn't see the fabric patterns matching in different textiles, I thought I'd take a photo that captured the detail. I think it really is what makes it so special and worth you noticing. Pretty nifty, no?

I’m not going to insert the KG heels or the Falke tights as I’ve put them in so many Fashion Fridays it would be redundant.  If you have NOT seen them before, feel free to click on the sidebar where the categories are. You’ll find them listed there.  You can get the prices and my style thoughts about them. But, I will say, they are two of my favorite pieces because they go with everything and elongate the legs.