Now THIS makes an impact. Everyone wants to go to The Ritz! Now, let's be real. My humble blog will never be as mighty as this legend, but I'd certainly like it to be as welcoming and for people to want to come inside. Please help me figure out how I can get a diamond slightly as big as the Ritz

Dear Ether, 

I was having a very interesting debate about blogs the other night with a fellow astronaut in the sphere.  He also happens to be a marketing strategist so he thinks in a way that I most certainly do not.  His insight into this world is fascinating.  

I know blogging isn’t about statistics, but c’mon, we all take a gander at them.  Not to be competitive and get book deals with Penguin, but to see if anyone out there is reading us.  After five months my blog stats have remained the same and this has concerned me.  I don’t understand why I’m not getting more hits and why my hit rates aren’t steadily rising (I post every day and I try and choose lovely photos!).  Is my site unsightly?  Are my pictures ugly?  Are my titles/captions bad?  My content rubbish?  I’m worried.  Well, marketing maestro asked me a very interesting question.  What was my bounce rate?  Well, quite high actually.  This, he said, was key.  He said people were clicking on my site and then leaving before they had a chance to read my content. Those who read my work probably liked it. This proved the consistency of my solid number I could count on every day. But most other people never got that far.  Here’s the analogy he thought best:  It’s like having a restaurant. You’ve got great food, an amazing chef and a great interior with lovely staff.  Hey, even the toilets are nice with Molton Brown hand soap.  But, the awning is rubbish, the sign is torn, you haven’t swept the sidewalk and your curb appeal is just awful.  No one is going to walk in and open the door to see the innards because they think the outside is a reflection of the inside.  

But is this so?  Is that what’s going on?  Or, is the market simply too saturated with blogs? OR people can’t be asked to read anything longer than a blurb or two and my posts are too lengthy so when they see my post they find it too daunting? All these questions and more are what make up my blog post today.  For those of you who’ve “stepped into my restaurant,” who’ve actually made it this far into my content, I’d love your advice.  I want more people to read my writing and readership to grow, but something is wrong and I can’t put my finger on it.  So, today I’m asking for suggestions.   Think of it as me doing a bit of blog market research.  I’m going to put being humble aside for a moment.  I think my content is really decent.  But again, people aren’t getting that far.  

I am not looking for a pat on the back.  PLEASE.  Don’t toot my horn or try to be nice.  Honesty is what I’m looking for.  When I set out to write One of 365 I wanted it to be read by a lot of people so I could connect with the world and grow.  I don’t want to be another blog statistic.  I could really use your advice.  Hey, if you think I’m wrong and think my content is shit, fuck it—let me know.  Speak your mind.  I want my restaurant to flourish and you guys are the people I want to come in and enjoy a meal with.

I also think this will be an interesting case study for other bloggers out there to think about how this might aid you as well if you have the same concerns.  

On that note……I appreciate your feedback and wait in haste for thoughts.  My ripped awning is waiting to be fixed.  

Dedicatedly yours, 

—One of 365

I feel utter despair. This post is ironic. I start out lighthearted, but as I write and I begin to spill my guts, I end distraught.

Dear Ethers, 

***The beginning part about “Fashion Fridays” was written before I began delving into my somewhat stream-of-consciousness “rant” about the state of English gent and I…therefore it starts very lightheartedly.  I apologize for it turning into something far less amusing.

Shock! Gasp! “Fashion Fridays” is not going to happen today!!!!!!!!! I know, I know.  Grab the tissues, I’ll wait for you to stop tearing your hair out.  Done?  Okay, I’ll explain.  My photographer is ill and my replacements are A: serving jury duty B: on vacation.  So, since there is no one to snap the photo, the shoot cannot be.  But, that means there is one extra outfit in the wardrobe waiting for you next week that will be very special and I promise I’ll make it ultra-fab to make up for this terrible loss.  Are we cool?  Thanks for understanding Ethers. 

So, I suppose I should update you on what’s going on with English gent and myself…yes, the saga does continue.  He’s fading fast guys.  He’s truly miserable.  He sleeps for hours and drinks tons of coffee and energy drinks to keep his depressed eyes open to even do any work.  He’s proclaimed that he doesn’t even know if he’s in love with me anymore and that he thinks I might have ruined his life.  He doesn’t believe in Dr. W anymore and won’t attend sessions.  He and I are monosyllabic at best and don’t find anything that either of us do of interest any longer.  He does not sleep in the same bed as me—he has taken over the spare room/office and made it his.  I hate to get graphic, but we haven’t been sexual for months.  And I mean, we haven’t even grazed fingertips or lips either.  He is very angry towards me and I am very resentful towards him.  

Ok. 

I know what you’re going to say. 

It’s time to move on. 

It’s not that easy. 

English gent and I sent in visa paperwork which detains him in the USA for 6 months.  Yes, he can leave, but this would cost $2,000 and destroy his application.  

Who cares, you say?  He doesn’t want to be there anyway. 

Well, we don’t know after 8 years if this is just a rough patch because of our life situation or if we are DONE.  You have to remember it wasn’t very long ago that we were madly in love and living together in bliss in London strong as ever.  I used to look at him and thank my lucky stars.  I was always terrified that the States was going to ruin that.  That maybe there was something magical about us in England.  But that taking him out of context and putting him in America where he had to depend on me would kill us.  I was right.  

I feel bad for him.  I feel sorry for myself.  I know the right thing to do would be to rip off the plaster and send him away.  He’s be in agony, as would I, but probably in the end we’d both find our feet…….slowly……..and have better lives for it.  Ethers, he is a Londoner through and through.  He is a fish out of water here and he is never going to learn to swim.  The problem is neither of us know what to do.  It’s like we are Siamese twins.  We’ve been attached for so long that even though the option of separation would be best, it’s too scary to think about cutting us apart.  I really can’t imagine my life without him in it.  

Right now I’m scared.  Terrified.  This is the guy who I thought I’d be with forever.  I thought I got lucky young.  And now, on the brink of 30, my whole world is upside down.  When he told me that he didn’t know that he was in love with me anymore—the truth is—the world didn’t freeze—it sort of thawed.  He was on to something. 

But you know what happens if we aren’t lovers…..he’s gone forever.

He’ll never speak to me or see me again.  8 years and he’ll never speak my name again.  And I have never really dated.  Will I, after one horrible date after the other, dream of him and what a fool I was to let him fly away?  Will I spend the rest of my life running after him?  Will I become the ultimate bolter?  

I’ve never experienced anyone dying, or had major surgery.  But I think this is the most painful thing that has ever happened to me.  I live with the ghost of English gent—his body and face are the same.  His clothes are familiar.  But his eyes are slightly different and his soul has completely morphed.  He probably thinks the same of me.  

I know I still love him because while I’m writing this my heart doesn’t hurt for me, but for him.  For everything he might lose.  For his pain.  If you don’t love someone, those feelings don’t exist.  

Once he goes back to England—my life in England is singed at the tips.  I’ll have nothing left but some photos and an expired Oyster card.  He was supposed to be my London.  My own piece of my fantasy that I loved for 8 years.  And when he leaves, all I’ll have are faded memories.  I can’t help but feel this is all my fault.  If I could have just wanted for nothing and been quiet and content.  What does one do with a really broken heart shattering with every beat in ones chest?  I feel like a 50 year old woman who is in the middle of a divorce.  But I’m only 29.  And he’s only 27.  I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs HELP. But I can’t because it is a dirty secret he and I have to keep from our families.  We have no one.  We really only had each other and now we are each other’s worst enemy.  

I can’t write anymore.  Wow…and this started off as a lighthearted post.  And I am so sorry to be repetitive.  You have all given me your best and most thought out advice.  I know we should break up.  I know. I know. I know.  But can you see it from my point of view Ethers?  Please?  Try and remember when you were in relationship binds.  It isn’t so cut and dry.  You don’t need to bother leaving me a comment.  Thanks for letting me vent.  Whoever you are out there reading this—-thank you for listening.  If I had 1 wish it would be to do it all over again.  I really fucked up my life.  How do you live with that?  I guess you do….I’m still breathing……but all I want to do is just go to sleep. 

Dedicatedly yours, 

—One of 365

And Indeed It Is--To Wilderness Chic and 1Chic Mama--The Two Chicest Women In My Life----I Thank You With All Of My Heart! xoxoxo

Dearest Wilderness Chic and 1ChicMama,

You both gave me this award and I am so thrilled because I feel you both are the chicest ladies in town and I don’t know quite how to handle the suave! 

In all seriousness.  Both of you write unique blogs–but there is a string running throughout both of your posts.  They are both incredibly strong and reflect the tough, resilient bright women that you are.  Basically, when the going gets tough neither of you buckle.  I look up to you both because you are mentors in terms of life experience.  Wilderness, you know I always look to you whenever I need some nutty problem solved or I see that our paths have crossed and that you can give me advice on the road that we have both embarked upon.  Chic Mama.  It’s so interesting.  We are recent friends and yet I feel such an affinity and closeness to you.  An ease.  A feeling of honesty and truth.  You open up your soul in your beautiful writing and with that I feel like I can open up to you without any constraint either.  It breaks my heart that a woman with such wit and charm has to have the plight that you suffer.  But, what makes you so remarkable is how you, through your posts and Tweets, show us how you can hold your head up high no matter how bad it gets.  You show us the power of writing.  The power of being able to express yourself and share through words and therefore help others and maybe let others help you.  I am so lucky to know you.  

Well, with that ode to these brilliant women over and done with, I suppose I am supposed to recommend 5 sites.  I know it’s bad form.  But I AM going to recommend these two sites again.  They mean a lot to me and since I have a different readership, maybe others will be exposed to their writing.

So:

Life the universe and all thats in it

A friend, a new writer to the blogosphere who took to the damned blogging thing so well that I am green with envy.  She writes with sass style and here’s an insider tip (though I don’t wanna give this away because I want her to give me all her attention!) Tweet with her.  That’s just a real insight into her amazing personality.  God, is she a fabulous, kind woman.

Broken Postcard 

I am amazed everytime I visit this site.  I know the bloke and he is always trying new type of artistic endeavors on his site.  He made an amazing video worth watching to homemade music.  He scours the net for amazing art and again, videos from museum you’d never visit.  He draws these brilliant sketches with vivid colors, writes poetry and makes animation.  I’ll warn you, his writing about philosophy etc. is not for everyone, but visually his site IS.  So don’t click away if you can’t hack the read.  Check out his visuals instead.  It is worth it!

chic mama

I have never read about a woman who had gone through hell and back and then straight through hell again and keeps her head so high and manages to even creak out a smile and whip out a joke or two.  I adore this woman.  In the short time we have spoken she has inspired me to realize how precarious life is and to understand the human soul and spirit.  Her posts are inspiring and simply truth.  I honor her and treasure her as a new friend.  She is on my mind often.  Visit her site and lend her some encouragement and make her laugh.  She’d love it!

Sharon-Rose-Style, Thrifting and Me

I know Sharon has had a zillion of these awarded to her, but I needed to say my two cents (probably what she pays for a couture Versace!).  I was so pleased when she started visiting my blog.  I’d been checking hers out for awhile and couldn’t believe the finds she’d gotten–and the prices.  She is the queen of deals.  I’d hate to go shopping with her because she would get  best thing in the shop for a fiver and you’d wanna kill her.  She always leaves kind words on my blog and is cheery, sweet and has the most gorgeous looking kids.  And he her husband looks like “Big” from”Sex and the City!”  Anyway, for a real fashionista who knows how to really work it and get it at a nuts price, visit her site and drool.

Helena Halme

A woman who shall never be off of my list.  A wonderful writer who tells a amazing journey of her life coming to England, meeting the love of her life and just adjusting to a whole new world–a story I can relate to.  She is kind, endearing and never has a comma out of place  Her story will capture you right away and the only thing you’ll hate about her blog is that it’s in installments, so you’ll be killing yourself to read the next one!

Looking Fab In Your Forties

And last, but NEVER least, my darling Fab!!  You killer, you.  Your site is perfection and you know it.  You always have interesting posts.  I love your style.  You are the queen of shoes (guys, she really has an amazing collection…check out her avatar on Twitter) and I just like your jovial and at ease writing-style.  I adore our chats, I love seeing what you are up to….and I just think you are so genuine–the real article, folks.  So if you want to visit a blog that has everything—a real gal with real style and a real life going on…hit her up.  She’s also a kick to Tweet with.  ;)

Thank you again……you know getting kudos from my fellow blog “home-boys” makes me feel like a winner.  I adore you guys and I am mighty grateful.

Love to you all and I’ll see you for my fashion “Wish List”  tomorrow.

Dedicatedly yours,

—One of 365